Anesthesia

[35]

"You okay?"

Franny looked over at Buzz who was stabbing the peas with his fork, his eyes boring miles away until they snapped back to reality. Buzz looked over at his sister who was cleaning the dishes and wanted to say 'yeah' or 'why do you care'. Instead, his lips formed an unearthly answer. "Life's unfair." He whispered before looking down at his meal.

Franny took a deep sigh and her soapy fingers began to tremble in the water. She gulped in a lungful of breath, loud enough to snap Buzz's head towards her back, before she began. "Remember when you asked me why I never married?" She mumbled, wishing that her voice had drained away with the water in the sink. Buzz didn't say anything, which was his usual response when he was expecting more from Franny.

She turned off the tap and placed the last clean plate on the counter before sputtering. "I'm homosexual." Tears had began to form in the back of her eyes and she gulped hard.

Buzz was silent. Not because he was shocked, which he was, but he wanted her to go on, and she did. "If you're saying that you were bullied in your high school, then you weren't the only one. In my high school days, I was bullied because I fell for girls and not the opposite. Everybody thought that I was abnormal and I had no friends because of this disease of mine. No matter how hard I tried to get rid of it and try to get attracted to boys, I couldn't. I was easily drawn towards girls. I couldn't control it."

"Mom had understood me and tried her best to tell me that everything was going to be alright, but it wasn't. She died. And when dad came to know about this, he-he never talked to me anymore and called me a threat to myself. Eddie knows this but he's too busy to do something. And the reason I never told you this was because I never wanted to lose you too. I was just so scared of being lonely. But believe me, Buzz, I don't want to feel this likeness towards girls. I never wanted to feel this but this is something that I can't control and that's my biggest weakness. My biggest fear which kept me in shadow for years."

Buzz did not move from his seat. His eyes were fixed on his sister who hadn't turned to face him yet. He could not think about his sister being a homosexual. He could not think of mom's death. The only thing he could think of was how she tried to not feel what she felt. How she tried to erase the feelings which kept on erupting in her heart.

How she was just like him. And that he was not alone.

Recovering from his shock, he licked his lips nervously and saw that Franny had turned back towards him, her eyes covered with hot tears. He wanted to do so many things. He wanted to stand up and hug his sister. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to tell her that everything was going to be alright. He wanted to tell her that he would always be there for her.

Instead, he whispered. "But you do feel." When she looked at him with bloodshot eyes, he said. "No more hiding."

Franny felt a part of stone lift away from her chest and the lump in her throat lighten at this words. And soon, through those salty tears, a chuckle erupted from her pale lips.

"Well, there's this girl in the center I work in..."