Anesthesia

[24]

The low creaking voice of the swing next to him caught his attention and he turned his head towards the swing to see a girl in pigtails socking her swing back and forth. 

For a moment, he did nothing but stare at the little girl swing back and forth. No, she did not look little except for the dark pigtails handing around her neck and flying as she soared high in the sky. For a while, he looked at her before turning his head the other way.

The girl caught his eye and thrust her feet on the ground, slowing the swing. "You look sad."

Buzz turned around to meet her gaze. He had to be sarcastic but he didn't want to. She's just a kid after all, he thought. "Yeah." He pressed his lips in a tight line and hung his head before nodding. "Life's complicated."

"Is it?" She bent to try and catch his eye but straightened herself on the swing when she couldn't. "I find it really enjoying."

Buzz looked up and sighed. "It's because you're a kid. What can an eight-year-old know about complications in life when you grow up?"

She pouted. "I'm twelve." Buzz looked at her as if she was an alien. "And I might not know about complications when you grow up but I sure know that growing up has its own demands. It leaves you with regrets for the mistakes you made, pain for the loss you gained as well as a wish to rewind the memories when you were a kid, right?"

Buzz couldn't help but grin. "Where did you learn that from? Teacher's philosophy class?"

She narrowed her eyes lamely. "I'm so much more than just an eight-year-old." She deadpanned.

"I thought you were twelve."

"Twelve-right-sorry! I mean twelve-year-old."  Buzz chuckled. "Yeah-no- don't laugh." She continued to rock herself back and forth. "So, complicated life, huh?"

Buzz hung his head and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I guess." He said, looking up. "Except that in this case, I don't want to become the eight-year-old kid again. But I don't want to live life at this particular period too. I don't wanna grow up but I don't wanna go back either." A lump was stuck in his throat when he said the last half of his last sentence. This was half true.

"Well, you might wanna relive a good moment, right? The adventurous moment of your life?" As those words escaped her lips, Buzz felt silent. And suddenly, an absent smile appeared on his lips as he remembered when the three of them were children. When he wasn't a bully. When he had a perfect life. When Franny, Eddie and he used to start a world war three in the house just for one remote. At exactly 10:00.

This is the only moment he wanted to live.

"It's kinda hard to explain." He cringed.

"I don't think so." She chirped. "I usually remember the time when my older sister and me used to play around in this playground when we were, like, kids. Now she's sixteen and she's got a lot of responsibilities. High school. Friends. Parties. She doesn't have much time for me, so I try to find a friend in my apartment friends, waiting until I turn sixteen too."

"Don't." He blurted out. "Don't wait for growing up. At every stage of growing up, life is gonna get more serious, busier and more bitter than you ever imagined. It's not like what you think it is."

She sighed and slumped her shoulder. "Maybe it is. Maybe we are the ones who change ourselves with this possible lie." He stitched his lips, thinking about what had he ever done to his life. Maybe she was right.

"Molly!" An older voice, a girl of about sixteen, shouted from the corner and the pigtail girl raised her head. "Let's go. It's getting dark." The girl, Molly, stood up and brushed the dirt off the hem of her t-shirt before looking at Buzz and holding out her hand towards him.

Buzz smiled and shook her small, warm hand with his own. "Good talk." He said. "I'll see you again, Molly." She gave a toothy grin before running off towards the teenage girl, who glanced towards his direction before walking away with her.