Anesthesia

[32]

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Buzz: "I'm sorry I'm not sorry, because it actually is your fault."

Agnes: "Yes, thank you. Way to go in reminding me of my stupid curiosity mistake."

Buzz: "No, not that. I doubt you ever even bothered to say something to your mother."

Agnes: "..."

Buzz: "And why do you hang out with those squealing b*tches anyway? Did you ever tell your mom about what you wanted?"

Agnes: "It's not that easy. I just- I can't raise my voice in front of mom. A part of me yells at me saying 'Don't do something regretful' and I just- can't do that. She's my mom in every way."

Buzz: "..."

Agnes: "..."

Buzz: "I kinda get that. I think I got that feeling when I was about to beat Eddie up or maybe how I scolded my older sister to stop fussing over me. I get feelings which make me wish I was on permanent anesthetics."

Buzz: "Sometimes I just wish I was going through anesthesia. And that it was a permanent one."

Agnes: "Except that there is no such thing as permanent anesthesia."

Buzz: "Exactly."

Agnes: "But you're not."

Buzz: "What?"

Agnes: "Buzz, you're not suffering through anesthesia. So you can feel things-"

Buzz: "-that I don't want to feel."

Agnes: "Maybe that's just what you think."

Buzz: "..."

Agnes: "I know what you're thinking. You must be thinking how ironical it is that I'm saying these things. But maybe this person was supposed to be you if I didn't come along."

Buzz: "I don't know what you're talking about."

Agnes: "I think you do."

Buzz: "..."

Agnes: "I know that you're a tumor patient. And it's made you the opposite of the Buzz Travis told me about."

Buzz: "IT'S BECAUSE I WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE THAT GUY! IT WAS NEVER ME! IT WAS NEVER FATE'S PLAN! OR MY PLAN!"

Agnes: "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

Buzz: "..."

Agnes: "Everybody has a plan. My plan is become flawless. Flawless and special. I never wanted this stupid gunshot. I want a life and not those stupid spies as friends. All I ever want is to become flawless and perfect and not like the butterfly I'm portraying in my dance. That is my plan." pause. "What's yours?"

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Buzz: "I don't know."

sigh

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Agnes: "Thanks for the ride, Buzz."

Before getting off, she leaned over and placed her warm lips on Buzz's cheeks for a long kiss before pulling back after a while. Buzz didn't look up but his insides were bouncing. His heart was on fire starting from the heat produced where she had kissed him.

But he knew that it was not a passionate one. It was a miserable one. As if she understood him.

His fingers clasped around the steering wheel, his fingertips digging into the edge of this palm and becoming red, but he didn't move.