Anesthesia

[27]

21 unread messages

Marked as read

To: Private Number

From: Buzz

Stranger, I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond to any of your messages for the past few days because I barely even glanced at the screen. I still don't know who you are, and believe me, I'll do anything to find out. But by now, I'm pretty convinced that you mean no harm and that your texts are no longer creepy. The thing is, I met someone. She goes to my university and to tell the truth, she is pretty different from all the girls I've met in my lifetime. During these days, it might seem like I was spending time with her by secretly visiting her on her maze room (long story) and crack jokes with her or in other words, acting like how a friend is supposed to be. But in reality, the only reason I visit her is to get to know her better. Not that I don't think of her as a friend. And through her words, her sarcasm and her wittiness, I get to know that yes, she is different. Much different and, I don't know, herself as compared to the other girls. She is fun to hang out with. And I reject her words about having flaws which make her a bad different. She does have her own flaws but that doesn't not mean that she's not special. She is special. I haven't told her yet and I don't how to.

Everything regarding me and my family is getting bitter. I don't really mean to yell at my sister but I sometimes do when she says that I'm okay because I'm not. And I still keep thinking about what had stopped me from beating the shit out of Eddie. I was this much close to changing his face features but I couldn't. Was it really because I didn't wanted to become like him or because of something else. Because sometimes when he's smirking at me, he always reminds me of how I used to be when I was an ugly and fat teenager and I want to beat him so bad. One minute, I feel anger boiling inside me. And the next minute, I get feelings. Emotions that I'm not supposed to feel. Emotions that always make me wish if I were on permanent anesthetics. Then I wouldn't be able to feel anything.

Again, I'm sorry if I scared the shit out of you by not responding those days but sometimes, I'm just scared. When I came to know about my disease, I became depressed as hell while I was poker-faced in front of my friends. Now, I'm just scared because I'm not feeling much depressed before. I'm feeling a bit hopeful.

And I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

Sent at 00:01 am

To: Buzz

From: Private Number

That depends on how you look at it.

Sent at 01:06 am