The Worst Things in Life Come Free to us|L.R.H

31- i love you.

At the age thirteen I was diagnosed with depression, and soon enough anxiety tagged along for the ride. Between the two I bagged an eating disorder that helped me get Anaemia; I then got me a teaspoon of bipolar and grabbed some insomnia on the way, so by the age of 15 I was fully fledged with a set of mental illnesses.

And now I'm here, wide awake at 3am with my anxiety and insomnia getting to me more than ever.

I run a shaking hand through my hair and let out a shaky breath.

All I can think about is what happened yesterday and the night before.

And the fact we all return to school tomorrow.

My stomach can't seem to rid of the dread.

I don't even want to think about what could happen and all the possibilities.

Dr. Fall knows I'm going back tomorrow, and I'm almost glad I'm seeing her today, because even with all these people that are there for me, I cant seem to bring myself to talk any of them; even Luke.

Not since new years, my trust is completely shattered. I know we all talked about it yesterday, and they tried so many times to reassure me, but I still can't bring myself to believe them.

When I first made friends with them all, I kept telling myself it would go wrong, it would go wrong, it would go wrong, and for so long, it didn't.

And I was so surprised I could go that long without slaughtering a relationship, but then, almost as if jinxing it, it went downhill, and know I'm stuck in the mess I had been waiting for.

I sigh and decide to get up, what I'm going to do, I don't know, but I can't spend any longer in the dark room.

With unstable legs I carry myself into the kitchen. I stop and look around.

I notice the box of cereal on the counter and decide I'm going to try and eat.

Luke must've woken up after I fell asleep, though in all fairness, it was like 7.30, whereas we often have late nights.

My thoughts wander to all sorts as I pour my cereal and milk in. I then sit on one of the bar stools and begin to tuck into food.

Whereas my stomach would especially reject food whilst being anxious, today the pattern of chewing seems to sooth me, and I manage to finish the bowl entirely.

By the time I lay down the spoon, I also lay my head, my eyes forcing down along with it, I then manage to drift off into a fitful sleep.

*

I wake up to someone poking my nose.

I open my eyes sleepily and reveal the beautiful blond I love.

"You look so cute when you sleep," he says and I just bury my head in my arms.

I don't look cute. I've never looked cute, and I never could.

"Come on tess, you got to get up, you kinda got therapists in 20 minutes..." he mumbles the last part and my head snaps up.

"20 minutes?" I say as I stand up quickly and he nods awkwardly. That's like no time what so ever!

"I kinda slept in, I thought you would have been up," he says.

"I woke up and came in here, but I guess I fell asleep again," I say, running a brush through my hair.

I've decided there's no time for a shower, so I shoo Luke out the bathroom and get changed into Luke's red flannel shirt and my skinny jeans.

I splash my face and brush my teeth before running out and bumping into Luke, he grabs my back to stop my from falling and I roll my eyes at how cheesy the moment is.