two days before Christmas in their world, holy crap!:) i'm so happy, this is either the chapter before the good stuff or there's going to be one more then that! SOO EXCITED.
ps. there is self harm in this chap so if that's a trigger for you, sorry!
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Luke still hasn't woken up, and i'm beginning to think he's not going to be here for christmas.
it's only two days away, tomorrow is Christmas eve, and that'll make it three weeks he's been unconscious.
the thought makes me cry.
i'll be spending Christmas eve alone, all my friends with their families, though Michael and clary did invite me over, claiming their parents wouldn't mind.
but i said no. i didn't want to intrude, they hardly knew me, and i'm not good with parents.
so, those are my plans, going it alone, being lonely and regretting everything I've ever done.
i sigh and lay back on my bed, i am honestly in no mood to get up today.
right now, my only thoughts apart from Luke is that depression sucks.
depression, anxiety, mood swings, OCD, the lot.
and for some reason tears are running down my face, i can't even explain why, because right here, i feel so undoubtedly sad.
i hate these days.
my phone vibrates beside me, and i pick it up. through blurred eyes i see the text is from Ashton.
'just to make sure you've taken your meds?'
as i read it, all it does is make me sadder, stupid fucking meds.
they aren't really helping at all, and they're only making me more and more tired.
i reply with shaky fingers.
'i'm so tired' i say. it takes him a minute to reply.
A: what do you mean?
T: the meds. they make me so tired, i don't want to take them'
A: you know you have to Tess, and i'm sure they'll wear off soon'
T: i hate being tired.
I've begun to sob now, and i don't know what to do.
why is it this bad?
i definitely shouldn't be feeling this way, because right now, all i feel is sadness, completely and utterly, the worst kind possible. the one that poisons your blood, darkens your heart, and affects even the deepest parts of your soul.
maybe it's Luke, maybe it's the loneliness, and maybe it's just both.
my guess is the latter.
before i even know what i'm doing, my legs are carrying me to the bathroom, my mind rushes through a thousand thoughts and i don't even know what i'm doing.
but apparently my body does, because as i reach the bathroom, my hands open the draws and oull out what i was dreading most.
my blades.
i know i'm not going to try and kill myself, but i just need to relieve the pain, so as i begin to cut my thighs i let out a sigh of relief.
the feel is addictive.
it stings, oh how it stings, so so bad, but i love it.
i'm bleeding and i don't know what to do.
YOU ARE READING
The Worst Things in Life Come Free to us|L.R.H
Fanfiction"sometimes walls are put up, not only to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." - Warning: may be triggering :)x also this story is quite long, so please don't just like give up half way through okay ily
