The Worst Things in Life Come Free to us|L.R.H

29- New years eve.

This is an idea of how skinny Tessa is, she's not as skinny as she sees herself btw, it's just all to do with self esteem issues, and stuff, sorry if you find this disturbing or triggering:)xx

New Year's Eve has always made me anxious.
I don't know why, I think it's the thought of a new year, all the expectations, all the aspirations to be a better person, all the false hope, just everything. It sets me on edge, just like one big Monday to me.
I bloody hate it, it makes me panicky, and I think it's becoming noticeable.
As i continue to prepare snacks for later, two hands place on my hips.
I almost jump out my skin and once I turn to find Luke, I swallow harshly.
His eyes look at me carefully and sympathetically. He lifts my hands to his face.
"What's up, princess?" He says, and I know it pains him to see me like this.
"N-Nothing," I say, Inhaling and exhaling shaky breaths. His eyes pleed at me.
"Please, Tess, what's worrying you?" He asks and it's the question I always hate. It's like when your trying hard, so, so hard not to cry but then someone asks you if you're okay and you just lose it, the tears start to flow and you can't hold it back anymore.
My breathing starts to quicken and my heart begins to pace quicker than before. My stomach knots, I feel my bones trembling underneath my skin and I know what's coming.
"Oh, Tess, baby, calm, breathe baby, breathe," he says, sitting me down on the kitchen floor.
He makes me turn to face him, taking my face in his large, soft, slender fingers.
He starts to do breathing techniques, in and out slowly and steadily.
"Come on Tess, copy me, copy me," he continues to say it over and over again, repeating the techniques until I finally calm.
My shaking begins to ease, my heart begins to go to its normal pace and the knot begins to unravel.
After a while, my head still in his hands, I lift my tiny palms and lay them on top of his, he smiles and his expression relieves.
"You okay now?" He asks softly and cautiously.
I nod.
"I'm sorry," I say, trying to lower my head, but Luke's persistent hand stopping me.
"There's nothing to apologise about, okay? I'm always going to be here for you, no matter what," he says, pecking my lips.
He goes to pull away but I pull him closer, wanting his soft lips once again.
He kisses back, and soon enough the kiss deepens, his hands move in my loose hair and I pull him even closer.
We get to our feet, not allowing our kisses to disconnect, and when we're on our feet his hands snake around my waist and mine link around his neck.
Our lips out moving in sync when someone clears their throat.
We jump apart to find Michael and Calum, standing with massive grins on they're faces.
I whipe at me lips and looks to my shoes, though I'm not really too embarressed, not like i thought I'd ever be.
Calum walks over to Luke, a bag of popcorn in his one hand as he claps Luke's shoulder with the other.
"Well done mate," he says, winking at luke before throwing the popcorn on the side and walking into the lounge.
Michael throws some crisps on the side and nods at Luke.
"Finally getting some action, Eh?" He says, before turning to me and winking. I roll my eyes and once they've both disappeared into the lounge, I finally look back at Luke.
His cheeks are pinker than mine and it's pretty cute.
After a moment of looking at eachother, we both just shrug and follow the boys into the lounge.
Luke sits down on the longer sofa, and I sit with him, but he soon pulls me against him. The boys groan and I laugh.
"Oh come On, you're just as bad with Clary and Charlie!" I say and they both just shrug and look away. "Speaking of Charlie, she coming tonight?" I ask calum and he nods, telling me she's coming with Clary, and that they went shopping or something.

Hearing that more people are coming ads to my excitement, whilst at the same time adds even more to my anxiety.

Yes, I've already experienced one panic attack today, but that won't stop me from having more.

They say when you're sad, if you talk to someone and have a cry about it, you will feel releieved, and I do think that's true, because worrying is much worse than sadness.