Fairy Tail: Swallow the Fire

Joke Chapter: Random Edition

A/N: I don't know why I wrote this

.

.

.

Lyssa, watching Totomaru come down the stairs in nothing but a towel: "Why are you limping?"

Totomaru: "I fell in the shower."

Lyssa: "Why didn't you try to grab something then?"

Totomaru: "I did. I tried to grab the water."

— * —

Lyssa, barging out of her house and yelling at a random stranger: "Oh gods my girlfriend isn't home and I forgot the word for this thing and it's bAD she usually helps but I cAN''T!"

Stranger, scared and confused: "I WILL ASSIST?"

"You know that little sea bug with the stupid hands and it has a home but it changes homes sometimes because it gets too big for it? What is it?"

"Hermit crab?"

"THAT'S THE BITCH!"

— * —

Lyssa: "Part of adulting is having your bed in the centre of the room and not the corner."

Erza: "WHy.....is this.....truuuuuuuuuue....?"

Lucy: "You can pry my corner bed out of my cold dead hands."

— * —

Gajeel, being dramatic to himself: "Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread."

Juvia: "Are you okay?"

"My cat stole my fucking garlic bread!"

— * —

Lyssa: "Do you know why I challenged you to this duel?"

Jellal: "You want me to stop making puns."

"You're right. I didn't want to do this. I once considered you a friend. It didn't have to come to this. But the puns have to stop."

"It truly is the duality of man."

*shoots him instantly*

Jellal, holding his bullet-ridden intestines in place*: I"t all lead to this."

"Why *shot* won't *shot* you *shot * DIE!? *shot*"

Coughing up blood: "No need to go ballistic..."

— * —

God Serena: "Do vampires just use their teeth to make a puncture wound and then suck, or are their fangs like a straw?"

Lyssa, a mildly autistic woman who won't stop thinking about this for a while: "This is a valid fucking question..."

The rest of the Wizard Saints: *All turning to look at Draculos Hyberion*

Draculos: *Nervously sweating because he isn't actually a vampire he just has vampire magic*

— * —

Lyssa: YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE VOLUME OF THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD

FUCKING TRY I DARE YOU

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE AND IT'S REALLY FUCKING WITH MY MIND SOMEONE HUG ME

— * —

Wendy: "I know that adults do multiple of laundry for different coloured clothes but I've been putting all my clothes in at the same time and I'm just saying, nothing bad has happened."