Team Principal | Carlos Sainz

chapter fourty-four

Antonia W.

It was crazy. I was here, sitting in my office and starring at my laptop. It was past eleven pm already and I wanted to go back, back to Carlos and Luca. I didn't want to work anymore, I had nothing more to do for today, but I still couldn't had leave with them.

It wasn't possible, like I hadn't been possible for the last weeks. It was crazy cause it was also a reason why Carlos and I had had a huge fight. I never wanted to shout at him that way, but I couldn't tell him, I wanted to protect him.

He should focus on his racing at the team, like he was doing really good this season and I didn't want to distract him from that with anything. When my dad had called me two weeks ago, it only confirmed my feeling and it was bad.

Like really bad and under no circumstances I wanted to draw Carlos and Luca into this. I trusted him with my own life and my son's so the best option for me had been to always sent Luca with him, back to hotel, while saying that I had some work to do.

I saw in his eyes, that he was hurt by that, that he didn't understand, but how should he, I never said anything. I only acted weird and it gave him all the reasons to be mad at me. I felt horrible doing so, but I just wanted them safe.

"Still here again?" Ricky asked as stepped into my office.

He was the only one that knew, the only one who understood my behavior, not really saying that it was fine not telling Carlos, but he understood my acting.

"Yeah" I sighed, "But I don't wanna work any more, I am so done."

My assistant closed the door behind him and came over to my desk before he took a seat across from me.

"Then don't Toni, please go back to the hotel. The team needs you tomorrow, your family needs you."

"I can't" I instantly returned, "I think it's better if I wait another hour, he might think I am gone then."

Immediately Ricky's worried face froze and he looked at me.

"So he was here again, you had the feeling of being followed and watched again?"

"Yes." I whispered and some tears ran down my face, "It's crazy cause it's just a feeling Ricky, but I am so scared, scared he would do something to Luca again. I know he's safe with Carlos so I always let him go with him, cause with me he's in such a danger."

"Oh no, no." Ricky said immediately and stood up to come over and hug me, "Don't say that, he's safe with you also."

"Is he?" I cried in his arms, "He got kidnapped whilst I was with him. And that was because of me, of my behavior, my love for Carlos. I don't want this again."

"But pushing Carlos and Luca away is not the solution."

"But I love them, they are my everything and I can't lose them."

"You won't." Ricky whispered and brushed over my back while still holding me tight, "Just talk to him."

"I can't, Ricky, I can't. He will get all worried, he needs to focus on racing, he's doing so great this season, he's even in the fight for the championship. I can't do that to him."

"What you're doing now is hurting him way more, believe me, he already has his mind full with thoughts about you and your relationship." he said honest and I leaned back to look at him.

"I can't, not now. Please understand me Ricky, I just can't." I begged him and he sighed as he stepped away.

"Do what you think it's best, but don't destroy yourself while doing so and know that I always support you, no matter what, even though I think you should speak to him."

"Thanks Ricky." I said as he stepped over to the door, "Good night."

He returned it before he was gone again. I looked outside of my window, down into the paddock, which was all dark at this time. Maybe it was really time to get back, maybe I should speak to Carlos, tell him everything.

Luckily he hadn't been there as my dad had called back two weeks ago, telling me that he was free again, as his lawyer made a deal. 'Mentally ill' that was really a lame excuse and even with that it was one reason more to put him behind bars.

Since then, but also before I always had the feeling of being followed, being watched and this call only made it worse. I never saw anyone though, just always had this feeling. Maybe I was just crazy and starting to see things that weren't there.

I sighed and stood up, but needed to grab the desk immediately as I got dizzy. I had this also for a couple of weeks now, feeling not so well as I had been throwing up a couple of times and stomach and head pain.

It was strange and I was glad that after tomorrow we would have a three week break as this was really needed. Maybe I could get away with Carlos and Luca for a couple of days, just switching my mind of, finding together again.

Cause I had the feeling over the last week and days that we were drifting apart, and it was my fault. I kept them away and tried to avoid any close contact in the public, also working way too much.

I could understand Carlos and that he felt horrible and I wouldn't blame him if he would break up with me at that state. He was still the love of my life, but I would understand him, he must had the feeling that I didn't want him anymore, even though it was the opposite.

I just wanted to protect him, him and Luca as I loved them so much that I would even give my life for them. I wanted them to be happy and Carlos was, having all this great results and team moments.

Also Luca had never been more happy before, enjoying his time with his new friends like uncle Lando and all the others, but especially his new papa, Carlos. A tear rolled down my cheek as I though about it.

But it was all so complicated at the moment, and I was the reason. I sighed and left my office, switching off the last lights before I stepped out into the empty paddock. I nodded towards the one security guard at the exit and made my way over to the parking area.

Suddenly I had this feeling again, of being watched. I was crazy I knew but it was freaking me out and I stopped for a moment and squeezed my eyes together, in order to forget this feeling. But then I heard something behind me and slowly turned around, thinking that I was just a mouse or anything.

But it wasn't, it was a person, a person that I knew. However it was not the person I had expected.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I therefore asked and got a little bit more calm.

But instead of an answer he was smirking weirdly and suddenly I felt a hard pain in my stomach as something had hit it. Then the same thing punched against my head and everything went black.