The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix Part Three

Despite What She Tried To Teach You

"I didn't want the world to hurt him."

Remus could feel the subtext - Sirius didn't want the world to hurt him, Remus, either.

"I went out, against Mother's demands, and I defended Spencer as best as I could."

"You were brave."

"I was an idiot."

"A brave idiot."

Sirius laughed and shook his head, turning away and taking another drag off the cigarette, blowing the smoke the opposite direction of Remus. He looked up at the mural. "Did you put any of these on here?"

"It was done before I started here," Remus replied.

Sirius's eyes moved over the landmarks and he stepped over to the spot on the map where Grimmauld Place might be if it were important enough to be notated. He stared at the spot and placed his palm against the cement. "I've always thought your drawings are magical, Remus."

"They're average at best," Remus answered, flushing.

"Not to me."

Remus came over and stood next to Sirius, reaching up and putting his own hand over Sirius's against the cement. Sirius looked at Remus. "I am sure that your horrid mother gave you hell for going out to defend Spencer from those bullies."

Sirius nodded.

"But I think you were grand for doing it. You've always defended people who cannot defend themselves, and I think that's part of the reason that I love you, you know. You said you started falling for me when I showed you my drawings but I showed them to you because you made me feel safe and protected. You've always protected me and it gets us into messes sometimes but I reckon I see it a bit better now, having had this conversation. I wouldn't change a thing about you, Sirius, you're brave and courageous and I am such a lucky man to have you in my life - to get to live my life with you. I want you to know what whatever hell your mother gave you, gives you, it doesn't matter. You overcame and despite everything she tried to teach you to be - you became a good person anyway."

Sirius's lip trembled.

"Thank you for becoming a good person, Sirius."

Sirius swallowed back the lump rising up in his throat and nodded, trying not to let the stuff swelling in him overtake him.

Remus pulled Sirius into a hug, despite the way he smelled like cigarette, and he pulled Sirius's head against his mouth and kissed his temple, rooting his nose into Sirius's hair, which smelled of some sort of woodsy scented shampoo. He closed his eyes and felt Sirius drop the cigarette and put it out with the tip of his boot before wrapping his arms around Remus in a reciprocating embrace.

They stood like that for some time, even as the rain made Remus's curls hang over his forehead and Sirius's hair flattened and became rather stringy, their fancy clothes going soaked.

"Sirius?" Remus asked quietly.

"Hm?"

"Did you --" Remus paused. 

"Did I what, Moony?" Sirius asked.

Remus cleared his throat, "Nevermind. It was a stupid question."

"No, what is it?"

Remus drew back from the hug. "Do you reckon you might've had a - a crush on Spencer? Back then, I mean."

Sirius laughed, "I wasn't gay yet." But the laughter died and Remus was quiet as he could see Sirius thinking about it with fresh eyes and Sirius muttered, "Shit," and reached for his pack of cigarettes again.