The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix Part Three

LXXXIV: Players

Sirius couldn't move. 

His mouth was open, he felt like he was screaming, but he couldn't push the air from his lungs to get it out. He stared up at the ceiling, his eyes wet and streaks of tears falling over his temples and into his hair, his body twisted, contorted from the odd sleep position...

He could feel something heavy and warm beside him... but it seemed a hundred miles away, the sensation of his arm against that heavy, warm thing... 

His chest heaved in short, fast gasps - the closest thing to movement he could do was these sharp inhales that shook him.

She was telling him that it was all an illusion - figments of his imagination... the sunlight, the soft pillow beneath his head, the warmth of Remus Lupin's body pressed against his own... the lingering memories of the things they'd spent the afternoon and evening doing with each other... the tender touches, the whispered words, the kisses, the sweat, the tears...

He was still in Azkaban, trapped within horrible the grey walls and black clouds... Soon he would hear the morning sound of the other inmates screaming for mercy as the dementors did their rounds... Soon they'd get to his cell, too, and it would be his turn, his turn to cry out for mercy... They would find the good dream in his mind and they'd take it away and he'd be back to the consciousness of laying on the cold stone floor...

He whimpered.

"Please," he barely breathed the word, no more would come from him.

Just let me stay here with Remus, even if it's only in my mind... please... what's it to you if I stay with Remus in my mind or not? Please... please... please...

But of course the dementors cared. Of course they cared.

They cared because him being with Remus, even if only in his mind, made him happy. And they fed off of happiness, didn't they?

They would come hungry.

Just like they came for me on the shore of the lake at Hogwarts.

Remembering that, his whole body twitched, though in his mind he was trying to thrash wildly, trying to get away. 

Just like his scream was silent, both then and now... only a breath straining to come out, lungs on fire for lack of air, despite the sharp puffing, each one getting sharper and less effective...

Please... please... please... 

His panicked breathing was enough, though, and Remus's eyes blinked opened as he lay there, one leg beneath Sirius, their bodies pressed against one another beneath the  blanket, their legs tangled together, Remus's hands buried in Sirius's hair... Sirius started shaking and twitching and what he perceived as screaming was really tiny whimpers and gasps...

It took a moment for Remus to register what was happening.

"Sirius?" Remus asked, slowly coming to. He looked over. Sirius's eyes were wide open. "Sirius?" Remus leaned closer, putting his palm on Sirius's chest, just over the Wild Thing lyrics... He leaned over and stared into Sirius's panicked eyes, searching them, seeing the confusion, the doubt, the terror, staring back, seeing but not seeing, either... Remus's heart broke.

Sirius's mouth stretched into a horrible grimace of hurt. "Please..." he barely pushed the word out.

Remus sat up and pulled Sirius's torso up onto his lap, his arm cradling Sirius's head against his chest. Sirius's eyes were leaking tears steadily and his breath was still sharp and short.

Remus leaned close, a whisper, "Is it Achlys, Sirius?" he paused, "Oh but of course it is, who else, right?"

Sirius's eyes struggled to focus.