jellybean • billie eilish

fourteen

it's been about half an hour which means that i have barely any time before my show.

i'm just so scared to even go on stage, let alone perform because what if everything goes wrong?

it will.

to make matters worse, today has been a total blur filled with emotions which i truly can't cope with.

i feel like all i do is sleep, moan and cry at this point.

"jess!" i heard jackie call.

of course i didn't answer her, because i was still in a bad mood from earlier.

holding a grudge?

in some way i was hoping that she would leave me alone for long enough for me to figure out how i was going to deal with the situation.

"are you ready?" she asked, flinging the door open.

but the second that she saw me, she rolled her eyes.

see everyone hates you.

"if this is some kind of protest then i'm not dealing with you." she told me.

i laughed sarcastically at the thought of me actually protesting against her and how hilarious that would exactly be.

"i'm not but thanks for the idea." i spoke with a sarcastic tone.

her eyes went wide, clearly that thought scared her a lot more than it should've.

"have you eaten?" she questioned, changing her tactics.

you better not have.

i rolled my eyes at her before turning over and facing the other way, she just knows how to push my buttons.

"you have five minutes and i suggest you do just that." she said in an angry tone.

his voice was filled with anger, his eyes however were filled with sadness and my heart ached for him. when did my daddy turn so evil?

i rolled my eyes again, i hate the way she thinks that she can talk to me like that.

"what are you going to do about it?" i asked with a smirk.

it was almost as though my mission today was to annoy her and it was working.

i could feel her staring at the back of my head and i just allowed her to, if she wants to be a bitch then she can be a bitch.

"trust me jess, you don't want to know." she told me.

but for some reason that just spurred me on and made me want to annoy her even more.

"oh trust me, i do." i laughed.

something about making people mad at me is hilarious to me and although it does get me in trouble sometimes, it's still funny.

you're just weird.

i heard a big, loud sigh coming from behind me which just made me laugh even more.

"four minutes jess." she told me before heading out the door.

although the second that the door closed, the panic set in and i began to pace back and forth in my room.

i began to 'get myself ready' but in the slowest and most tedious way possible.

"three minutes jess!" jackie shouted.

my eyes rolled into the back of my head, the annoyance was beginning to get so much stronger and i had no idea how much longer i could keep this up for.