jellybean • billie eilish

fourty eight

today is a free day and i'm supposed to be relaxing which i'm not doing, i mean i am in a way but not at the same time.

i'm spending today in my room, shutting myself away from the world because i just can't cope anymore.

are you sure about that?

yesterday i was extremely quiet but i still don't think that anyone has noticed just how badly i'm struggling.

sure the giant claw mark on my face screams 'i need help', but no one has taken the lead and actually offered me help.

would you even take it?

no of course not, but at least they would've offered and not assumed that i was okay.

i'm genuinely scared that i will doing something even worse than i already have, and that maybe i won't be able to take it back.

screams came from my sister's room, blood curdling screams.

i watched daddy go in there hours ago and no one has come out since.

i wanted to go and check to see if natalia is okay but i don't want daddy to hurt me. i'm so scared that he's hurt her.

i sighed as i was brought myself back into reality, some of the things that i'm remembering now, i don't even remember happening then.

i saw my sister walk out of her room, she was limping but refused to stop when i called her.

i was confused as to what daddy had done and why he'd hurt my sister so i went to find him.

i almost screamed as the mental pain became physical, he'd got me and there was nothing i could do about it.

daddy was lying in sissy's bed, why did he have no clothes on? i walked over before tapping him on the shoulder, i just wanted to know why daddy hurt her.

i inhaled sharply, these flashbacks are getting way too real for my liking but i can't stop them, there is no way to physically stop them.

as soon as he saw it was me, he smirked. i tried to turn and leave because i was scared but i couldn't, he was holding on my t-shirt making me gasp for air.

my hand travelled up to my throat, i didn't want him anywhere near there, he had too much control over me.

he threw me against natalia's bed as i screamed in pain. a sharp sting on my cheek but apparently i deserved it.

"time for some fun." he growled.

"no no no." i kept repeating.

i felt pain all over my body but he wasn't even there, am i going crazy?

"jess?" i heard someone ask as they knocked on the door.

screams echoed through the house, this was normal when my mom went out but this time they weren't my sister's, it was my brother.

i was leant up against the door, trying to hear whatever i could but everything had gone silent.

"jessica!" my dad screamed.

my mind raced, what could i have done wrong?