jellybean • billie eilish

fourty two

the moment that i stepped out on stage tonight, the mood was very clearly low.

everyone's eyes were very clearly fixed on my body, or the scratches on my face, which only made things so much harder.

they only want your body.
just like your dad did.

although there were people, very few, who did cheer for me when i stepped out on that stage.

"i hate to start my shows on a sour note but this is something that needs addressing." i spoke into the mic.

no it doesn't.
they all hate you enough already.

my hands were visibly shaking but i tried my best to hide it because this speech was bound to be the only way to take control of the situation.

or you could die.
or apologise.

"some of you may have seen a photo recently." i began.

everyone's faces fell, so i looked over to the wings for some support to continue.

no one's going to support you now.
can you blame them?
really?

kiera smiled back at me and nodded a little, giving me that extra support that i needed.

"that photo was taken by a vile creature, a man that haunted my life for years." i continued.

more like you haunted his life.

i could feel the tears brimming in my eyes but i knew that i had to be strong.

you don't even know the meaning of the word.

"that photo was taken without my consent and when i was barely 11." i spoke.

i heard a few gasps in the crowd which i must admit, did knock my confidence a little.

"but i refuse to let that man control my life anymore, so i'd appreciate it if you could all delete the photo if you have it saved and also report any post and any reposts that are made. this is child pornography and anyone found with it on their phone will be dealt with appropriately. " i said as i gained more courage.

i saw a few people on their phones, trying to find it to get it taken down which i was thankful for them.

it's too late.
they've all seen you for who you are.

"as for you dad and i use that term very lightly, you no longer control my life and you won't break me no matter how hard you try." i told him.

you have no idea.

he wasn't going to be there physically watching me but i was sure that he was listening to me, he's a sick and twisted little man.

no you're a sick and twisted little girl.

"but tonight isn't about the past, tonight you're hear to enjoy yourselves and that's exactly what i want you to do." i told them.

the crowd screamed, clearly they're not bothered by my dad so why should i be?

because you know what he'll do to you.

-

once i finished my final song, i felt so powerful.

i had done everything in my power to show my dad that he wasn't going to intimidate me, no matter how hard he tried.

he could and he will.