"Okay, hear me out. We are stuck in the house with nothing to do, we could do something productive while we have time to kill."
"We wrote and released an entire album, Grace. What sounds more productive than that?"
Quarantine is driving them up the...
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They took a few more weeks to truly process the miscarriage but then they were sitting on the bed one night about to go to sleep, when Taylor said, "Do you think we should try again?"
Grace knew immediately was she was talking about and she continued to rub lotion into her palms. She took the excess and spread it across Taylor's, the feeling of too much on her hands made her panicky. Taylor was used to it, it happened more nights than not. She wasn't sure if Grace ever really got any moisturizer into her skin because she was quick to wipe it off, but she always had the softest, warmest hands.
Taylor rubbed the lotion in herself as she studied Grace's face. With only three weeks having passed, Grace wasn't even sure when she would be able to try again and if it would be anytime soon, "I still want to have a baby."
"Me too," Taylor hummed. She shifted her legs uncomfortably under the duvet, the top sheet was tucked into the corners of the bed frame because Grace had been the last to get up that morning and whenever she made the bed, it was always perfectly tucked into every corner and crevice. So tightly pressed that you could bounce a penny on it.
"I'm feeling clearer these days," the brunette added, "More at peace with what happened."
Taylor felt like she could agree with that. Time was healing their wounds and she knew they would scar and always be present, but it wasn't that searing hot metal prod to the skin type of pain. It was like a blister that hadn't healed and kept getting reopened by the back of the same unfortunate pair of shoes.
"It helped that we told our families, no one has made a comment about a baby in weeks and that's- it's nice not to think about it," Grace admitted with a soft, embarrassed blush coating her bare cheeks. Taylor loved when Grace took her makeup off at night and she could see every detail of her skin, especially the creases from her smile.
"I'm not in a rush but I am open to the possibility whenever you think you may be ready," the blonde gently snaked her hand onto the back of Grace's neck as they sat against the headboard and massaged the tense area that Grace always seemed to have. Grace shut her eyes at the familiar touch, breathing out deeply as her wife seemed to know she was getting all of the right knots out.
"We could talk to the clinic," Grace suggested, "I was pregnant for about five seconds, I don't think my cycle will wait that long to get itself back together."
"I just don't want to try to replace what we lost. Sam was here and now she's not, but if you were to get pregnant again, that's different. That's a new baby, that's a baby that doesn't deserve to live in the shadows of the one we lost," Taylor explained nervously. She wasn't sure what Grace's thoughts on that were but she wanted to make sure hers were known before they crossed a line they couldn't come back from.
"I agree but I believe that I would be still be scared of history repeating itself," the brunette told Taylor with a soft gaze, "We had a good day today but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be abysmal."
