The Rose Garden (3) - Taylor Swift

19

"Are you sure you don't want me to call Amber or Nell?" Taylor asked gently in their bathroom. Grace was staring at a box of pills that were supposed to trigger her body to get rid of the non-viable pregnancy.

"I don't know what they'd do," Grace shook her head as she began to open the box.

"What about my mom? Do you want her to come stay for a few days? She loves you, I'm sure she would be here in the blink of an eye."

"Is it okay if we just do this on our own? I mean, if it's too hard, I can handle it. I don't want a bunch of people around while... while this happens."

"Okay," Taylor was following every movement Grace made with the few pills. It would be an intense day or two, it would hurt, physically and emotionally.

"I don't want to take these," she admitted with a crack in her voice. Grace had sunken into her own shoulders since the phone call from the doctor and while she hadn't let herself cry, picking up the medication only an hour later was one of the hardest things she had ever done.

"They're not growing anymore, it's to get it out and keep you safe," Taylor tried to remind Grace.

"I asked if it was a boy or a girl while I was there," Grace sniffled from her dried tears, "Do you want to know?"

Taylor had wanted to go but she was too much of a wreck to leave and risk being seen. She didn't know Grace would want to know that, but now that she knew Grace knew, she wanted to know too, "Yeah, please."

"It was a girl... it's what I get for saying I preferred a boy first."

"That's not why," Taylor couldn't believe they would've had a daughter, "I don't know if some bird really did flap its wings somewhere or it maybe I was supposed to pray or if it just wasn't meant to be, but I know it was nothing you did, Gracie. It wasn't anything you did. She's just not going to be ours."

"She's not," Grace broke into a fit of sobs, "And it's not fair."

"I know, Grace, I know," Taylor carefully wrapped her arms around her wife's shoulders and pulled her close. Grace curled into her embrace, tears streaming down Taylor's chest for the millionth time that weekend, "And this might be the hardest thing we ever deal with but I'm with you."

That said a lot considering Grace had given up her life and family, Taylor had come out to the entire world and Grace had years of sobriety under her belt. This was destroying them, it was the hardest thing Grace had ever dealt with. This was harder than Michael leaving, this was worse.

The pain was terrible. Grace sat on the toilet most of the day as Taylor held her from behind and they both cried. She had cramping and bleeding and some nausea, at one point Taylor held the bucket in front of her and she felt like she was at the lowest she would ever go.

"I've got you," Taylor continued to murmur as she massaged Grace's back to help with the cramping, "I've got you, I'm here."

Grace had no tears left to cry as they got into bed that night. Nothing felt right, there wasn't really much to say. Grieving was not the same for everyone, so while Grace had cried nearly all day and felt like she just couldn't anymore, Taylor still had salt streams flowing down her face and into her ears.

The silence between them wasn't uncomfortable, silence between them had become normal long ago. It was comfortable and warm despite the current events and Grace put her palm on Taylor's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze under the covers as if to say in her own way, it will be alright someday.

"Do you want to write?" Grace suggested a healthy way for Taylor to work through the emotions. The bleeding was still bad but Grace finally wasn't in so much pain that she couldn't move, no longer worrying about whether or not it feeling like that was normal.