SH, SI, ED or panic attacks trigger you please skip this chapter and stay safe xx
Pov – regulus
I walks though Hogwarts chewing on my sleeve from black comfort hoody I blink rapidly trying to keep the tears at bay I walk into the busy main hall sitting down next to my fellow Slytherins they blab on about shit, I sit their staring at all the food in front of me I haven't eaten in days but strangely I'm not hungry I feel a tap on my shoulder I breath out and smile turning around seeing James and lily standing there "hello.." I say trying my best to seem happy, "padfoot- Sirius told me to give this to you" he gives me my missing book that's been gone for 6 months I knew he took It! "Thanks." I say putting the book in my bag "there's a party tonight.. um I have no one to go with because lily having a mental health evening do you wanna come with me" I give him a confused look "a "mental heath evening"? what the fuck is that" I say she frowns at me "it's when I look after myself I watch a comfort movie and eat comfort food.. my mental health is not the best.. I'm going through a lot at the moment probably worse then everyone in the friend ship group" she laughs tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear "it's not a competition." I say bluntly. She looks at me "I know its not.. I'm just saying my mental health is really shit at the moment I tried to overdose" James kisses her head "And thank God it didn't work" my mouth hangs open "ok? What you want a medal?" I say crossing my arms "regulus" James says "what." "Can I talk to you like out in the hall?" he says I roll my eyes "no" I turn back around he whisper something to lily "regulus" I turn back around "what" lily walks away out the hall "please can I talk to you" "if it will make you leave me alone" he walks out to the hall I follow.
"what's your problem?" he says leaning against the wall "nothing." He shakes his head pushing his hair out his eyes "your being mean to lily she struggling at the moment and your snarky comments don't help" I roll my eyes "everyone's struggles, she not important" he looks at me "regulus, are you ok" I huff "yeah I'm fine." He huffs "I want you to say sorry to lily, what you did was uncalled for" I laugh "no fuck off." I go to walk away but he pulls me back grabbing onto my arm tightly "OW!" I yell he lets go quickly I hold my arm to my chest tears form in my eyes, but I blink them away "regulus.. show me your arm" my heart sinks "no. fuck off" "regulus! Show me your bloody arm!" "No!" he grabs me pushing me up against the wall I start screaming as he pulls up my sleeve to see red cuts all different sizes he lets go standing back I pull my sleeve down "what the fuck man" he says looking at me tears falling down my face "piss off it wasn't like that" I say "then what! A cat did it!" "Yes.." he laughs "does Sirius know" "know what.. that a cat attacked me" "cut the bull shit" he says "no.. no one does and I want to keep it that way" "he sighs "if this why you been annoyed at lily... because she has bad mental health.. it's not her fault she comfortable talking about it " regulus sighs "she not the only one who struggling she not the only one who is I pain she not the only who tried to kill them self, Jesus I've tired like 4 times! Told no one because I didn't want to worry people I didn't tell anymore I think about suicide on a daily basis! Self-harm is my safety net I self-harm because I'm trying to make it I'm trying to get better; I don't want them to win.. but the thoughts go around my head does not stop telling me to do fucked up shit telling me to hurt people I love, telling me to hurt myself, I know I need help, I know self-harming won't help and I wont get better if I keep doing it, but I'd rather hurt myself and be in pain then, hurt so many people by leaving, people say people who self-harm do it for attention and saying they have a pain kink but that's not true! I'm in pain I'm suffocating in silence I'm droning in my own myself sabotage (see what I did their ha ha..) my heart rases at a million beats per second walking though these halls.. I don't like being left alone because I have no distraction form the voices in my head that scream at me to kill myself" I take a breath and continue "it's hard I've tried to end it so many times and told no one.. but she goes and flaunt it like it's a good thing like she proud of it she proud to tired to end her life she wants those people to mummy cuddle her and look after her ask if she ok just because she doesn't get enough love at home she an attention speaker she wants everyone to know that she "struggling" and maybe she is but she doesn't need to make it everyone else problems everyone has demons some are loader then other but that doesn't mean that the quieter ones aren't as bad" I look at James tears are rolling down his face he hugs me tight not letting go "errrr.." he sniffs and lets go "I'm so sorry that you had to go though that all alone.." I nod I can't believe I just said all of that I just word vomit about everything I'm going though! I just straight up vented to the last person I wanted to "can I go now.." I say with shaky hands he nods slowly "be safe.." I nod and walk away when I get around the corner I slide down the wall "shit shit shit shit!"
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Toby/Marlene/rowan
