𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚝 | 𝙱𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝟷

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚢 𝚃𝚠𝚘

Thought it was corny then, could definitely use the escape now.

It felt like oceans and continents had made their way between Sofia and I as we sat on her couch, me on one end, her on the other. I don't remember a time where Sofia felt so far away when being so close. Or maybe I just ignored it because I was too busy chumming up with my friends. I wish I never put their wants in front of mine, because then Sofia wouldn't be so far from me. "So," she started, fidgeting with her fingers like she does when she's nervous because she wants to talk, she wants all the words to pour out so I can fix her like I've always done, but she doesn't want me to have the playing cards, "have you heard from the detectives?"

And I smiled, because two weeks ago that's how I started the hard conversation we were going to have. "No," I leaned back, stretching my arms across the back of the couch, crossing my ankles, "you holding up okay with that?"

I wasn't, but this wasn't about me.

"No," she let out a small laugh, dropping her head, "I don't think I'm holding up at all anymore."

"C'mere Sofia," I pat my legs, "I don't like the distance, we need to talk and you're too far."

This time she didn't hesitate, she crawled into my lap and turned so her back was against the arm rest and I lowered my right arm so it was across her hips. "Look, if you're sleeping with Carter, that's none of my business," she looked up at me, those precious green eyes breaking again, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that to you in public."

"It's not like that."

"Sofia really, it's okay, you're allowed-"

"No," she looked up at me, eyes watery, "it's not like that, he's still in love with Isabella and I was only wearing his clothes because I stayed at his last night to run from you. Because seeing you like you were last night broke everything in me," she was crying, my right hand coming up to press her head into my chest, so she could hear my beating heart, it was always the best way to calm her down, "I don't want you losing yourself because of me."

If that doesn't make man want to die, I'm not sure what does. I pressed my lips to the top of her head and just left them there, because I needed her to breathe, I needed her to breathe so fucking badly so I could as well. "I ran," she continued, curling further into my chest, "I ran because I didn't know what to do."

"You and I don't run from each other Sofia," her eyes closed while I pulled her tighter to me, "we never run from each. Yell and scream and fight? Yeah absolutely. See who can hurt the other more? That has us written all over it," I pulled back to cup her face, her green eyes catching on mine and I died a little more inside. If her lip quivered I would be a goner, I was already one, but I would be long past redemption, "we don't run from each other, slap me, hit me, scream at me, but do not keep me out."

I tucked her head under my chin, holding her against me while silence overcame us, I needed to tell her the truth, that I was in love with her, that I had been for the better part of my life. I knew it wouldn't change us, but it might give me a hint of how to fix all of this. Drugs and alcohol were already gone, models and sports groupies had been deleted from my phone, Curtis and Mickey were going to purge my system of partying, I knew that from the looks in the restaurant, I just needed Sofia to tell me what to do to fix it completely. And if telling her the truth would start that, then the truth is coming out.

"You were eight years old," Sofia sniffled, tilting her head to look up at me, "wearing a pleated skirt that I know you hated, but it was Logan's birthday, or it was the day before, you were playing soccer with my brother and his friends, your mom had done your hair up in those two little pigtails you wore religiously from preschool til fifth grade," I smiled at the memory, my eyes closing as I continued, "you noticed me by myself, ran over to me and sat down on the grass in front of me, asked me where my friends were, I told you mom didn't like having too many kids over, I lied, they were upstairs," I laughed lightly at the memory, "mom asked me to watch you guys while she made a snack, and I told you I was surprised that you noticed that I was by myself, and you replied with, I always notice you,"