Unrequited? Air at Sea

60. Mind Games?

I hate my stupidity even though I was just a child.

He reaches up and gently brushes my hair from around my face.

"What are you thinking baby?" He whispers.

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Not protecting you that day. Not getting help, or fighting. I hate myself for letting you get taken."

Trish wipes my tears away with his fingers.
"If you blame yourself for that should I blame myself for the same?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did I let myself be taken?"

"Of course not."

"I didn't scream or fight him. And I'm glad I didn't."

"What? Why?"

"You were calm because I was. You weren't afraid because I didn't know to be. If we both started to scream and cry he would of took us both or hurt us both."

"Or left us both."

"All the maybes and could haves will drive you mad. Things happened as they did and I wouldn't change it because you weren't hurt."

"But you were. What if you never came back?"

"Don't think of that. Think of how good you cared for me when I was finally home and ever since. How things turned out was all because of you. I could have been institutionalized if you hadn't helped me cope. Your tenderness brought me back to life. How can you see it as a weakness? I would have lost my mind without it."

I don't know what to say. I always wanted him to speak this openly, express himself. Now that he is it's overwhelming...in a good way but still jarring.

"When did you become so eloquent?" I ask attempting to lighten the mood after the silence stretched out uncomfortably long.

"I always was actually but I was also pensive. It was always easier to express that part of myself in therapy. But Eli has been encouraging me to share my thoughts more with the people close to me. Especially you."

"Why me?"

"Cause the impression you have of the way I feel about you is completely wrong. I take responsibility for that cause I didn't tell you, hid things, and pursued other people. I want to make it clear how important you truly are to me and take responsibility for everything I did wrong."

"I wish you were like this before."

"I was too scared before."

"Of what?"

"Becoming what I hate the most."

"What you hate the most isn't homosexuality. It's sex offenders it's why you want to torture Trent."

"I know but back then it felt synonymous somehow."

"And now?"

He takes a moment to consider his answer.

"Now, I just want be what you are. I don't care what the world calls me as long as you're beside me. As long as we are the same."

"How could we be?"

"We are. It may not look that way on the surface but we are. Everything used to be so confusing but losing you for a year made it crystal clear exactly what I want."