Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter Ninty Two Night time Worries

TW desire to hurt themselves

Charlie's perspective
Nick was having  a pretty rough night he kept waking up feeling overwhelmed and upset and it made me have a head ache, my stomach hurt, I felt nauseous, My whole body was in pain from the guilt, I felt truly terrible, self harm flashes my mind every few hours and I want to feel the pain I caused, I want to shut my thoughts out and focus on a blood stream flooding my arm and the floor, making my head go numb and fuzzy causing every thought that bothers me to seemingly disappear. The only thing I could focus on was the pain and physical pain was much better then mental pain. I snapped out of my black hole of thoughts to hear Nick call for me, I instantly got off the couch and rushed over to him in the kitchen, I needed to make sure he was ok, Im worried considering last night.

Flashback to last night

Nicks perspective
I'm so frustrated at myself for being so scared Charlie's ok he's fine he's right beside me, but I can't help it, he is everything and more to me how could I be ok with him struggling, how can I just ignore the fact he's hardly eaten a proper meal, how can I stop thinking about him not being ok. When things get hard in the eating aspect, things get hard for Charlie in the self harm aspect too, I can't help but think any day now he's going to do it and If i'm not there. What happens if he actually does real damage I can't even think about it. The thought of Charlie not being here anymore makes me repulsed, life without him is repulsive. I let out sobs and tried to hush my cry's into my pillow. There was too much going on I couldn't take it. Charlie was sleeping and I didn't want him to see me crying in the middle of the night he'll see me for who I really am a pathetic person. My breath is uneven and hesitant I hate this feeling... every time I try to calm myself down I just breakdown and make it worse. Charlie rolls over facing me now he was still asleep but looked disturbed, I leaned in and kissed him as softly on the lips as possible trying not to wake him but to feel  his love and comfort. He blinked his eyes open and looked at me before quickly sitting up "Babe did you have a bad dream" Charlie said barley able to speak he was so tired. Another reason i'm pathetic last time I had a bad dream I cried about it in our living room and tried to lie to my fiancé, he obviously figured it out there was no point in lying to him him he's seen me now. "N,no" I stammer between sobs. I lay my head on his chest and cuddle up to him as close as humanly possible. "hey don't cry I don't like seeing your beautiful face crying" Charlie whispers into my ear sending shivers down my neck I loved his voice I loved him. "I'm, m  s, scared, I'm s, so so scared" I managed to mumbled out well still crying into charlie chest. Charlie grabbed a water bottle from the side table and tilted my chin up and said "Drink... it will help" I did as he said and enjoyed the water hitting my dry throat, it was scratchy from crying. he didn't take the bottle away from my mouth until I finished it, I think it was his way of stopping me from crying.

Charlie's perspective
I stopped Nick from crying and I know why he was scared I was scared for that reason too, I wasn't going too, i'm stronger now and seeing how much of toll it's taking on a nick I know it's not fair, I don't want him to feel pain because of me, every again. After he finishes the water and I place the empty bottle on the bed side table, I whisper " i'm not going anywhere" he wraps his arms around my waist  shooting butterflies up my stomach, and then after a few seconds of silence he asks the most unexpected question "Can I see your scars" I freeze taken back at his request, I don't wear short sleeves very often but it's not like I never had, he's seen my arms laced with white scars that bulged up to the surface making my arms an uneven surface. "Ok love" I said after thinking about it for a while, he sat up beside me leaning against the head board I flicked on the light and Nick was clearly exhausted I pulled up my hoodie sleeve and showed him the right arm which wasn't as bad as the left, he looked so amazed and loving as he ran his fingers along my arm, he closed his eyes and just felt each and every scar from side to side, it was honestly a beautiful moment he touched my skin with so much tender love, when people see my scars the instant reaction is disgust, it was a nice change, Nick always seen the beauty in them he sees me as a strong person not a weak one, i'm not so sure I believe what he's saying but I love that he sees me that way, he always sees the best in me. I wince as he touches the last scar on my wrist "Sorry did that hurt" Nick says quickly kissing my wrist. It did hurt a bit i've been digging my nails into that scar to tame the temptation. "It's just a bit sore that's all" I say well looking down at my wrist, I never look at it I hate it I wish I could cut all the skin off my arm and have new skin but in this moment I didn't feel that way I kinda saw what Nick saw beauty.

End of flashback

Charlie's perspective
"Yes Nick" I said as I wrapped my arms around him from the back he was doing his usual cooking, he's such a good fiancé what would I do without him. Nick giggles as I move my hands around his body. "Stoopppp it Char i'm going to cut my fingers off" "Well maybe you should stop that and pay attention to me" "And if I don't?" he says in a sassy tone, I smirked and said "You'll miss out" he dropped the knife on the counter and turned around to met my eyes "I wouldn't want that" right after he finished his sentence I pushed him up against the wall and started kissing him my tongue going deep into his mouth and his in mine. I pulled away and said "see what you would have missed" he ruffles my hair as he walks past me to check on dinner "Your such a tease" I blush and smirk "Maybe I like it that way" he laughs and continues cooking.

Dinner was done and I could tell Nick had something on his mind again. Although our make out, distracted him a little it wasn't a permanent fix. I sat down and told myself what I needed to do, Nick wasn't going to stop worrying until I prove to him that i'm ok, I started chewing quick and shovelling the food into my mouth I was eating at a regular pace but to me this was really quick, I didn't feel that stressed, I was so focused on how much I wanted to please Nick and make him happy, force him to hopefully stop worrying. Nick finished his plate and said "I'm done do you want me to sit with you or start on the dishes" I got up and said "I'll help you with the dishes i'm done" he looked taken back this never happened even on good days it takes me like forty five minutes, I finished a whole meal in 15 minutes! Yesterday I wasn't even eating a whole meal,  I was pretty surprised how well that went I was proud of myself. "Babe you did so good, but how yesterday you weren't" I cut him off "I'm feeling better now I have you by my side that's all so need " he looked as if he was going to cry in relief he hugged me and took a deep breath "how about I run us a bath" I smiled at the thought of that idea "Darling you've cooked and now your doing dishes how about I run us a bath" Nick put his head on my shoulder and nodded, I went upstairs to run the bath.

Authors Note
Nick is such a caring sweetheart always worrying about Charlie ❤️❤️😍😍😍😍 I love y'all I'll tell you about my first day at school tomorrow! I get the feeling it's going to be shit but schools always shit soo..... no different right, Thanking you for supporting me and my story by voting or leaving a nice comment or even better sharing your opinion or thoughts it helps me understand what you guys want to see, I can tell what everyone likes the best and that is heavy drama/heartbreak  but the story can't just be constant heartbreak it's already close to that 🥹 WE NEED SOME HOPE ily ❤️❤️❤️