Starting with the title of your book, I feel like the ellipsis is unnecessary. The title is relevant to the story but it's nothing unique and looks very obvious. I suggest you get more creative with your title as you need your title to attract readers which I don't see happening in this case.
» Cover :: 3/10
The cover looks average and still needs a lot of improvement, the forest background first of all has no relevance to the story. It makes the overall cover look very dull, the green colour makes it look bland. More fancier fonts could have been used. The cover lacks an artistic essence. Whether a reader wants to read a book or not also depends on how much they feel allured by the cover. A beautiful cover is just not enough, it should portray the concept and genre of your work which this cover has failed to do. I highly suggest you get your cover done by a graphic shop.
» Blurb :: 1/5
The blurb is just way too simple and is not saying much. A blurb should give an insight to your story and your writing skills, it's basically a first impression to the readers so it should be perfect. You should start your blurb with a quote or a dialogue from the story perhaps. It should be followed by a little insight on the characters then the main point of conflict in the plot and should end with a question for the readers. Now I am sure you are able to differentiate how different your blurb is than what a blurb should actually look like.
Dawn :: 4/10
The first chapter of your book was the disclaimer which I felt like could have been better put together. The setting of your writing was all over the place and it looked a bit unprofessional, it might not seem like a big deal but it leaves a strong impression on your readers and you might come across as an amateur writer. The starting of the story could have been better, more artistic it felt more out of blue. There were different problems with your starting few chapters that I'll discuss in the upcoming sub categories but for now I was not really impressed by it.
Plot and Idea :: 7/20
Friends to lovers is a troupe that has been used by many writers out there and now has become a cliché troupe. Choosing a cliché troupe is not the problem as long as the execution of the plot keeps the reader interested which was not the case with your story. There wasn't anything different that wouldn't make me bored, the scenarios felt too empty and baseless. I cannot judge your book completely because you have just published eight chapters but as far as I have read it was not very impressive. Throughout the story nothing very important was going on that would keep the readers interested in the book so it is highly likely that a reader would stop reading the book just after the first chapter. Since the story is not completed yet, I highly recommend you to shift your plot and try to add more out of the box scenarios that catch the readers off guard and keep them interested.
Characters and Emotions :: 8/15
Again the characters and their personalities seemed repetitive, there wasn't anything new and it felt 2D and just flat. A reader needs to be able to connect to the characters mentally and emotionally in order to relate with the story, which I was unable to do because I could feel no connection or chemistry between the characters. I suggest you try and give your characters a bit more depth, reading the characters interacting among each other just felt awkward so I would suggest you to make the conversations a bit more smooth and make their actions and reactions as natural as you can.
Writing Style :: 3/15
What threw me off the most about your story was your way of writing, from the beginning you kept changing the narratives of the story, in the first paragraph you used second person narrative and the next paragraph you were using first person narrative, it was really confusing. I am sorry to say but your writing seemed very immature to me. From what I can say, you are writing just for fun and are not much concerned about your work is coming off to be. In that case I suggest you do not give your work for reviewing as there is a chance you might get highly criticized.
I cannot just give you tips on how you can improve because the scope of improvement is way too much. I suggest you start by reading books and try to understand the whole concept of writing if you are serious about your work. Using words like 'anygays' over and over again makes your work look very unprofessional, using () to put author's thoughts in the middle if the texts, using emojis in between texts of course gives off the feeling that you are not serious about writing, if that's not the case, I suggest you start working on that first.
Grammar :: 7/20
There were numerous mistakes throughout the book, basic grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors. The over and completely unnecessary usage of ellipsis (...), usage of punctuations like "!!!!!", "!-...". There are places that have punctuations missing, some sentences have no gap after a punctuation is used. As mentioned already, the narratives are all off. There are random capitalizations throughout the book, and there are places where random gaps have been left. As far as grammatical mistakes are concerned, there are too many to be listed so I suggest you thoroughly proofread your work.
TOTAL :: 34/100
Reviewer's Note :: I tried my best to sound as constructive as I can and not come off as offensive. If you still felt so then I apologize. As said earlier I suggest you not give your book for review if you are not serious about it because there is a chance you would be highly criticized. If you are serious about writing, then I sincerely hope you improve in the future. Best of luck for the future my fellow Atiny!
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