𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 : ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ [CLOSED]

ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴀғɪᴀ, ᴍʏ ᴄᴏɴsɪɢʟɪᴇʀᴇ

↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  durarafhana
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ  astrxzaki

First Light :: 10.5/20

» Title :: 2.5/5

‘Consigliere’ is not an uncommon word I see in fanfictions and fanfiction titles (especially those that include mafia groups and such), and although the title is catchy and is relevant to the plot, it’s also rather plain (and slightly long― do you know how many times I’ve spelt ‘consigliere’ wrong?). Yes, it attracts readers’ attention, but it lacks a bit of uniqueness and originality. Just a tad bit.

For me, it seems like your typical cliche mafia au with an overused plot line. But your title is fine and you don’t exactly need to change anything just because I said so, not unless you want to and find a better, more suiting title for your story.

And on another note, please refrain from using fonts in your book’s title. They make it difficult for some readers to read what it says, seeing as some devices can’t properly display characters with fonts and make it so these ‘boxes’ will appear instead.

» Cover :: 5/10

The cover, whilst having a decent color scheme that’s fitting to the story, is too basic, for lack of better wording. It doesn’t fully capture the story’s dark and mysterious-y vibe, and I believe an interesting yet well put-together cover plays a huge factor in garnering potentially interested readers’ attention.

I suggest changing the title and subtitle’s fonts, minimizing the subtitle’s size, and adding your username― preferably at the bottom, where most author names are usually located― on your cover. The background editing was already done well. You just simply need to tweak a couple more things.

» Blurb :: 3/5

Your story’s blurb drops hints about what the story’s plot line is about, but it’s too vague and dull. It gives the general idea and gist of what the story will be like, which is ideal for a bio, but I suggest adding more aspects that make your book unique, something that will immediately attract a reader’s attention.

I also noticed multiple grammatical errors, mostly in the narrative part of your blurb. For example, ‘two person from two family’ is incorrect, seeing as ‘family’ and ‘person’ are both singular.

Revision example:
A story of two individuals from two families― both from different ranks, with dissimilar responsibilities, born to fix problems and lead their groups to victory. Understanding each other was the hardest thing they could do, but as fateful events intertwined their paths, they might just find themselves falling in love with each other.

And adding quotes is fine, though I suggest you refrain from using any kind of font in your book’s bio― for the same reason why you also don’t need fonts in your title.