First light is the first thing that catches our eyes in the morning. Similarly, the first things that we see in a book are its cover, title, and blurb. If you manage to ace in this, then you are halfway done. Let's see how your first light was.
» Title :: 3.5/5
The title is the identity of the story for which it's known and suggests what the overall storyline will be featuring. Speaking of your title, I would say it was indeed well-chosen. It, actually, suggested what the plot will be about and such. What is beyond those barriers? Will the MC be able to do anything beyond her given barriers? The story portrayed both the questions well, matching with the title. Thus, good work with that.
However, the title sometimes needs to be unique and should have more creativity, which, unfortunately, your title doesn't show much. If we go and search up for the book, many more books with similar or even the same name can always appear. Thus, it's too common in that case. Also, in the initial chapters, the title didn't have much connectivity with the story. But overall, it was well-matched.
The only suggestion is to come up with a little more creative or unique name in the future. Other than that, you are going well.
» Cover :: 6/10
The cover is the center of attraction, it suggests what the mood and/or theme of the story can be and how relatable it is with the story. It should also be inviting. That a reader immediately clicks on it to read or check the book.
As for your cover, it was much better than many of the covers I have seen or reviewed. You had a kind of aesthetic type of royal vibes, a girl somewhat looking like a princess; it was overall nice.
But, somehow, it lacked the key theme of the overall story - mystery; which, most of the time, falls in a strong and dark-themed story. Also, the subtitle suggested something like that as well. But, the cover didn't portray any mystery or dark mood thing. Thus, a little more work on that and you are good to go.
» Blurb :: 4/5
The blurb is technically the end of the first impression and the start of your story. By reading a blurb, we usually get to know what the story will be all about. It should be interesting. Something that suggests a dispute or an edginess about the story. It should have a quality length.
Your blurb indeed fulfilled almost all the points an ideal blurb should have. It had an overview of the story, a conflict, little suspense, etc. Overall, it was described well. It was indeed impressive.
However, the last paragraph in the blurb seemed unnecessary to me. It was just filled with questions. Yes, it was for intriguing the readers. But as you have already used one-two questions in the previous paragraph, it was quite unnecessary. Therefore, I suggest removing the last part and you are all good.
Dawn :: 4.5/10
As it's said that our entire day depends on our beginning of the day - Dawn. Similarly, the starting of a story always puts a huge impact on a reader to read the book further.
To be honest, your beginning was quite good. It was detailed about the kingdom. Thus, good work with that. But, as the content proceeded, I started to feel bored. That's because of your writing style, further explanation will be given in the respective section.
There was a lot of information, like too much that I felt like it takes away your interest once you read further. Also, a few mistakes here and there were present. Overall, it's okay, but not up to the mark. So, I suggest adding a little more interesting content that would not make it feel boring.
Plot and Idea :: 15/20
Now, a plot with hidden secrets while having the essence of a royal theme is not a new idea. We often see or read such concepts. Thus, what is important in this case is how well you represent the not-so-new concept in a new and unique way.
And I must say, it was indeed impressive to get into the plot. Everything was well-explained. I, also, liked how you gradually progressed the story yet were revealing things here and there. But, as mentioned before, a few times it went quite boring, as it felt like - it's just going and going like recorded facts. Again, it was because of your writing style mainly, there was no feeling. Other than that, it was quite good overall. Thus, try to make the chapters a little more interesting in a way that doesn't make the reader bored.
Characters and Emotions :: 8/15
The characters are what make a plot complete. Unquestionably, the characters were well-fitted throughout the story. They were described well. I could imagine their appearances well. However, in some aspects, some characters needed some more justification. But, all in all, it was nice.
Emotions are what connect the characters with readers, and also their actions and reactions are based on their emotions mainly. Speaking of your story, then I would say emotions were not expressed well. It didn't feel like I was reading a story but facts and records.
The emotions Athena should have felt when she was talking or thinking about her supposed-to-death/missing childhood friend were not described well. Or when Delilah asked her father about her mother's whereabouts, the emotions weren't expressed enough. Therefore, work on that more hard. Your characters are okay, just the proper emotions are missing. Once you complete that, your story will stand out.
Writing Style :: 8/15
The writing style is, basically, the identity of an author. It describes how they write a certain piece of writing. According to me, your writing style can either make your story or ruin your story. Thus, it's a crucial element while writing.
Now if I talk about your writing style, then I wouldn't say it was the best nor it was the worst. It was just okay and much bland. As mentioned earlier, your writing dimmed your plot. It was confusing and monotonous which is why I often couldn't feel anything in the story. I felt lost and bored.
You didn't use proper tags and/or narrations while writing the dialogues. It was quite confusing to understand who was actually speaking or doing the thing. It didn't have much variety of words and phrases, which was much expected considering it was a royal-themed story. Your tone of the story didn't match the theme of the story.
Therefore, I would suggest that you try matching your tone, and using words and phrases that go well with the mood/theme of the plotline. Your plot is nice, but the writing style and tone are not doing much justification. Fix these things up, and you will surely do better.
Grammar :: 14/20
Grammar is a key element while writing. Without proper grammar, it's not pleasant to read a book. There weren't many issues. But a few here and there, which mainly are :
» Absence of tags (verbal and action) at many places making it confusing who is speaking or doing the thing.
» Misuse of verbal tags punctuations after dialogues.
» Using capitalization for common nouns (princess, heiress, king, etc.).
» Using lowercase for common nouns and/or words after dialogue tags punctuations.
» Few misuses of comma (,) after ending a paragraph.
Apart from these, most of the things are okay. Thus, nice work with that.
TOTAL :: 63/100
Reviewer's Note :: All I want to say is, you are doing great already. Just correct the above-mentioned things and you are all set to shine. All the best for your story. Thank you.
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