𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 : ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ [CLOSED]

ғᴀɴɢɪʀʟ

↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  AlienboyfriendTae
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ  Author_Jenny

First Light :: 11/20

» Title :: 3/10

The title of your story is very relevant to the plot but that is not the only quality a title should possess. The title could have been more creative, it clearly lacks effort. Fangirl is the first word a person would think when they read the blurb so it's very obvious. I would suggest you keep your title something that is relevant to the plot and is creative at the same time. Make sure it's not too obvious, it needs to have a deeper connection to the story and not just touch the surface plot. In this case you can relate your title to letters that also seem to be an important essence in your story. But this is just a suggestion and it completely depends on you if you would want to make any changes.

» Cover :: 5/10

Even though I like the font used for the title text, I can't deny the fact that it is too simple, there is nothing intriguing about the cover. It lacks an artistic essence, maybe by adding a little more elements to your cover you can improve it. You can also add a female silhouette that can represent the female lead, although I suggest you keep the font and placement of the text the same. You can even order a cover from graphic shops and get it done by professionals, I think it would be even better that way. Also I noticed the author's name is too small, it needs to be more visible.

» Blurb :: 3/5

I have mixed feelings about the beginning definition of fangirl. It is not the literal meaning of the word but I like how you have moulded it in a way it would reflect your plot. The rest of the description seems good, maybe you can restructure the last two paragraphs in a more creative way. I have a little doubt in the last paragraph, you seem too determined about the facts that things never go right when celebrities fall in love, I don't think that is the case all the time, there are exceptions. So instead of stating the information as a universal fact, you can use 'most of the time', I think that would be more appropriate. Also the sentence, "Will Namjoon break the rules, or will break her heart?" Can be written as "... rules, or will he break her heart?".

Dawn :: 6/10

The starting of the story seemed pretty interesting, the characters were introduced and a glance of the current situation was portrayed. One thing I would point out is the lack of context. When Namjoon returned to the dorms he was handed a bunch of letters and the members said that it's his turn to read his and they had read theirs. I can say this positively but as far as I think the idols don't usually get letters from their fans that they are allowed to read due to many different reasons and circumstances, this might not be the case.

But if you are trying to mould the situation in favour of your story it is completely alright but at the same time you have to give a context. Which can be mentioning the fact that the idols received letters from their fans every week. Clear out your plot line from the very beginning and avoid trying to confuse the readers by making your situation collide with reality. Other than that I really liked the way the book started and it flowed for the next two to three chapters.

Plot and Idea :: 15/20

I think even you are aware of the fact that your plot is not very unique, including the 'letters' dynamic, but the way you write it makes it seem a lot better. Yet I can't turn a blind eye towards the fact that a plot  like this is overused, people follow the same troupe over and over again. Using a similar troupe or a story setting is not wrong but you must keep adding different plot elements and sub troupes as you build up your story towards the climax. These sub troupes will help the readers get a little distracted from the main trope and they might feel bored in that way. Since your story is completed and seems fine the way it is, you can implement this suggestion in your future works.

Characters and Emotions :: 13/15

The story characters seem to be alright including both the male and the female lead but I felt like the characteristics of the female lead were again a bit clichè, like the typical orphan girl with a sad backstory. I would really like to see a happy female lead with a supporting family for once. Anyways the characters were portrayed in a way that they seemed relevant and  relatable at the same time. I could connect with them emotionally while reading the chapters so I think you did a good job with it.

Writing Style :: 14/15

My  favourite part about your work is your writing style. I really like the way you write, explain a situation, actions, emotions, etc. seem well set and executed. I am not someone who gets impressed over the way of writing easily but yours is truly remarkable, no complaints here. I think you can do even better if you try harder.

Grammar :: 19/20

I didn't find much grammatical or punctuation mistakes throughout the book, there was one that I noticed :-

» "~" was used in a few places where you could have used '–' or '—'.

TOTAL :: 78/100

Reviewer's note :: Besides all the flaws mentioned above, I genuinely liked the book and enjoyed reading it [since it's about my bias] it's a good quick read. You have a lot of potential, just keep writing and keep your creativity flowing. All the best for future work.

●◉◎◈◎◉●

Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.