The title didn't impress me at all. You simply used a phrase for the title which may relate to the storyline at a specific point but isn't intriguing. It lacks creativity and isn't good enough to attract readers.
The main point which confused me was what the title said;
I Love You Cause l Love You
Honestly, even the phrase itself doesn't make sense. You should've at least used a meaningful title. It literally felt like you just hurriedly pulled it off.
Use a title that resonates with the storyline. Which is meaningful and raises curiosity. Also, be more creative with it.
» Cover :: 0.5/10
I won't beat around the bush and just be straight to the point. Your cover isn't attractive at all. It isn't even related to the story. The text, creativity, filters, pictures; each and everything needs a massive improvement.
You weren't creative with it at all. The text was too small to be noticed along with the pictures. Moreover, you used a totally irrelevant background. There wasn't even a face claim on the cover.
Give your book to a graphic shop or ask a good graphic designer to make the cover of your book.
» Blurb :: 1/5
Your blurb is one of the many things that made me extremely agitated. It isn't creative, attractive, and not even a bit intriguing. It isn't interesting and didn't raise my curiosity even a little bit. Along with that, it has a massive number of grammatical errors.
In the blurb alone, I observed wrong use of tenses, spelling mistakes, punctuation errors, wrong sentence formation and so many grammatical errors which made it even more difficult to understand. It definitely needs to be changed.
Dawn :: 0.5/10
The exposition needs to be improved a lot. It didn't carry that sense of curiosity and didn't even satisfy me. It isn't interesting, it's just a plain common beginning.
Even though it begins with a present and flashback, it is still just like many other stories making it too common.
You should've explained the exposition in detail. Your whole book lacks explanation when it is the main key for a great book. You need to work on that a lot.
Plot and Idea :: 3/20
The plot is too common. I came through many stories with the same plot and events. Also, the plot execution is very poor. It needs a lot of work.
You didn't execute the plot clearly. A great plot requires great execution which I didn't observe in your story. It was like you hurriedly wrote it all. You need to have a smooth and perfect flow which I couldn't find in your story anywhere.
You didn't even have many plot twists in your story which automatically leads it to downfall. Your idea may be original, but honestly, I have seen so many books with the same plot. So l think plot twists are needed here.
The cliche plot isn't the problem here. The problem is that if you can't execute a plot creatively, then you should also not choose a common story. Instead, you can go for a unique one.
Also, you should work on your plot execution by reading novels and enhancing your vocabulary so that you can write better.
Characters and Emotions :: 1/15
The characters and emotions aren't impressive either especially, how you gave the reference of the emotions in brackets;
??: Hmm.!!Why is it so noisy (in low sleepy voice)
Or
??: Office? What office? (very low sleepy voice)
References like these don't give us the feels that emotions should give. I honestly couldn't feel the emotions at all while reading the book. You should explain them more clearly and elaborate on them.
And about the characters, then you didn't describe that well either. We had a confusion of the personality of the characters till last chapters hence it isn't suitable either.
Writing Style :: 0.5/15
Your writing style isn't impressive either. You used uneven paragraphs along with more dialogues than descriptions. This isn't attractive.
This doesn't intrigue readers, instead, they irritate them and make them want to leave the book in the middle. Even your first chapter's first paragraph didn't look presentable. Especially when you use emojis. No book really has emojis in its text.
If you look closely for yourself, then you may observe that your style isn't presentable at all. You need massive work on that.
You should avoid emojis, uneven paragraphs, and usage of dialogues more than words. You can use banners for presenting your book too.
Grammar :: 0.5/20
Your grammar is a major weakness of yours. Alone in the first paragraph, I observed a massive amount of grammatical errors. There are numerous typos, tense swaps, pronouns switches, punctuation errors, spelling mistakes, and many more. Even your vocabulary isn't impressive.
Alone in the first paragraph, there are numerous mistakes. For example,
Hi everyone! It's me, Ainne! And I am in ltaly right now. Guess what is it today.. It's a special day. Can't guess? Okay let me tell you then. it my wedding day... Yeaaa you heard it right its my wedding.
This is the first-ever paragraph of your book. Now here alone, there are grammatical and punctuation errors.
Hi everyone. It's me, Ainne! l am in Italy right now. Guess what it is today. It's a special day. Can't guess? Okay, let me tell you then. It's my wedding day. Yeah! You heard it right. It's my wedding.
I can't simply edit the whole paragraph for you, but I have only corrected the grammatical and punctuation errors of that paragraph.
Along with that so, many mistakes are present there and if I start enlisting them here, then it alone will take a lot of time. So, I will just point out a small bit of them;
That someone name Seojoon, whom I met 2 months ago.
Here, the wrong form of the verb 'name' is used which needs to be corrected.
You want to know what he told me and how did I met that man?
Here, the wrong form of 'meet' is used.
Aigo this girls.
Here, Deeya was talking about Annie only, not more girls. And this is used with singular, however, you used it with plural.
Just like these, a massive amount of grammatical mistakes were present in your story which definitely needs to be edited. I suggest you give your book to an editing shop or hire an editor for it. It is in severe need of editing.
![𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 : ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ [CLOSED]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/287210578-64-k299057.jpg)