𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 : ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ [CLOSED]

ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ

↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  SL-BTSILLION
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ  little_squishy_bun

First Light :: 10/20

» Title :: 2/5

Never use the names which are titles of some song. It seems uncreative.
Also, it’s not really unique. There are several books with the same title out there, not making your book stand out among the several fanfictions.
Again, I didn’t really find much of a relevance between the title of the book and the story plot, but I suppose it might make sense later.
If it doesn’t, changing the title to something that would be relevant is always suggested.

» Cover :: 5/10

The cover is too simple. The editing is really simple and plain.

Also, the cover doesn’t really match the theme of the book. The picture used is where Jungkook looks sad enough, but the madness and the craze in him which is portrayed in the book isn’t really captured. Also, there are two main leads in the book, so it would be better if you add Taehyung’s image onto the cover too.

» Blurb :: 3/5

The blurb, though is straight to the point, is actually not as interesting as it seemed at first. Relevance is fine, but the blurb also needs to be interesting and intriguing. Reading through, it’s nothing more than a short and basic introduction to the story, but not an actual synopsis.

I suggest picking any one aspect from your book which seems interesting, or maybe modifying the current blurb to make it interesting. I am sure you can do the job quite well.

Dawn :: 7/10

The start of the book, the first few chapters in this case, are simply amazing. They are well-written and the mystery created right at the start is very nice and satisfactory to read.
But the first two chapters, where no new characters are actually introduced, could’ve been shortened, and maybe it wouldn’t seem boring at the start. But I didn’t take off many marks because the start got pleasant right from the third chapter.

Plot and Idea :: 17/20

The plot is quite nice. It’s going at a slow pace, but that let’s all the situations and proceedings sink in, rather than scurrying through the details. The mystery created at the start slowly gets solved as the plot unfolds, and I must say that the process is beautiful enough.

But, there are a few places where it seems somewhat absurd- mainly when everyone just gets along very easily with Venice. I suggest taking some time for the development of affection and attachment.

Also, the story seems cliche sometimes, considering the way the two youngsters are gloomy and sad over their past lover, and the tension between them possibly caused due to her. Maybe you can’t change the story plot due to this, but be subtle while you’re at it. 

Otherwise, the plot is fairly nice and it’s really thrilling to watch it unfold.

Characters and Emotions :: 13/15

The characters are portrayed fine; impressively, to say the least. Their actions are accurate considering their personalities, though sometimes some characters seem overly goofy and it doesn’t exactly suit the book.

The main leads are portrayed in a nice way too; Jungkook seems quite weird sometimes considering his actions around Venice, but since it has something to do with his past experience, it’s fine. Taehyung’s character is good too, and so is Venice’s.

So, overall, I suggest making Jungkook seem somewhat less intimidating so that his behavior around Venice can be justified.

The emotions are well conveyed, and their actions work in sync with them. But I suggest focusing a little more on other people's emotions rather than just Venice’s, since they play a huge role in the way the story is proceeding too. Especially Jungkook; his emotions aren’t really mentioned in the book, nor is the way he thinks and processes the situations.

Writing Style :: 13/15

I don’t have much to say here, considering the plot goes well the way you’re writing it. The emotions are conveyed fine, and the characters either space out or the chapter starts with some small paragraphs which are brief about the past.

The only thing I would like to suggest here is that you shouldn’t just use italicized text for a flashback, and write it out as one would be better. It slightly confuses the ones who don’t pay much attention to the font type, and the fact that the flashback started right at the start of the chapter just made it more confusing.

Grammar :: 15/20

The grammar is just fine. But I suggest editing and proof-reading. There are several small mistakes in the book.

Some of the common mistakes are comma splices; several of them in the book, and you should fix them with conjunctions in a sentence. Also, you seem to overuse “.” in an ellipsis. It is wrong. An ellipsis is nothing more and nothing less than three dots. There are some minor punctuation mistakes as well.

Another point I would like to bring to your notice is the use of Korean words in the book. Just because everyone is a BTS fan doesn’t mean that they would necessarily know the language. Thus, it is confusing and somewhat irritating to see the Korean words people can be clueless about.

TOTAL :: 75/100

Reviewer's Note :: With proper editing and proof-reading, and some graphic changes, the book will be really great. The book is seriously intriguing, and it’s very tantalizing to read through the chapter only to see something new getting uncovered, except that it’s not the thing I expected. Good luck with the book!

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.