It's probably the most creative title I've seen these past few days. It's unique and totally suits the story. It's kind of ironic how the title gives a crack vibe to a story that is actually based on the horror Genre. It did make me intrigued to read the book.
» Cover :: 7/10
It definitely gives off the horror vibes well. But I'd say it lacks the few important elements that make it relate to the story. Being a pictorial representation of the plot it would have been better if the giver had certain items from the story.
Like Jk's face claim, but in a onesie, taehyung with blue hair, the painting or the carnival ground. These make the cover relate with the story at a different level. The current one is no less beautiful but it's only my suggestion.
» Blurb :: 3/5
Compared to the first impression I got from the title, the Blurb was too simple and self explanatory. It gave away the whole suspense and plot. Yes, the Blurb should be a short explanation of the plot but that doesn't mean it has to give away the suspense and twists of the plot.
You could try rewriting it in a different order, highlighting other aspects of the book like the bet and taehyung's obsession over a simple Gucci bag collection.
Make it look like he was doing something too stupid but ended up getting into big trouble, almost misleading the readers. This way of writing the Blurb helps intrigue the readers into reading more.
Dawn :: 6/10
It was fairly good, for the note. But I suppose, when writing horror it would be better to follow a specific writing style or way of projecting each scene, since writing has its own cons when it comes to horror. For one you can't illustrate jump scares and suspenseful gore in writing like it's done visually.
So the part in which jk makes his entry could have been written a bit differently, in a different angle or point of view describing his looks, voice, appearance and what it did to taehyung and how tae reacted to seeing jk like that.
That when written in a pressing way maybe would have given a better and fairly terrorizing image of jk for he is a ghost. What I saw lacking on the whole was the terror or gore factor that was missing although the story is a horror story. Adding descriptions on how haunting the area of the carnival was how spooky the atmosphere was, all this could help bring in the creeps when reading the story.Other than that the take it took was good and enjoyable.
Plot and Idea :: 13/20
The plot took off and progressed pretty well, but in all seriousness the way it came to an end messed things up a bit. Like I understand, making taehyung the reincarnated hyung of JK makes the plot tragic but it's also cliché at the same time. Leaving taehyung to be another normal human who came across jk but happened to make jk catch feelings for him cause he looked like the dead hyung would have been in my opinion more tragic for taehyung would have been oblivious to the emotional confusion he was creating inside JK.
Leaving JK alone with his own feelings and ghostly form giving us the realisation that he is afterall a ghost in real life, makes it more realistic and tragic at the same time. Next, the smut that was included was, for one short and covered up, not explicit, but puts the terror and importance and seriousness of the plot on the whole. Trying a different lead on it, or portraying Jk's feelings for taehyung in a subtler way, avoiding smut, would again make the plot more realistic.
Characters and Emotions :: 9/15
There were some conflicting and tragic emotions played in the whole plot but the way they were written was insufficient to actually show the seriousness of the strong feelings. Improving your writing style and trying to add in more details to the description can help attain a clear and sensible portrayal of Emotions the characters are feeling.
Coming to the characters, jk was a good lead but he was not given the importance and dominant feature that he needed. For example being the bunny doesn't have to be necessarily cute always, bunnies can be increasingly scary too. Thus for the ghost of a boy who died in a fire, who was angry and overly aggressive, the current character was written with a touch of softness and cuteness.
Taehyung, although being a lead character, was given the importance of only a side character, or so I feel. His feelings and reactions were only highlighted at the beginning when he entered the park and at the end when he was leaving. Other than that, although he was portrayed to be guilty of not saving the bunny boy, there isn't much he does or says from his behalf.
To get consistent characters that have a steady development, I believe, the author needs to get to know their characters really well. Only then can you decide how or what decisions the character might make or how they react in a particular situation.
Writing Style :: 8/15
I noticed it was very unbalanced and disorderly. Very unlike a writing style because it either improves with every chapter or is consistent throughout. I could notice a few scenes that were poorly described while some were written well. Some sequences were disordered, for example, the time taehyung ran fearing a cat in the beginning. When running, in this situation for your life, a person definitely doesn't think of how it might feel to wake up on an extra soft bed at home from a dream. The mentioned comparison is logical but just not written at the right time. If this comparison was written when he was sitting in the dark waiting for something to happen then it would have been realistic, and when running simply describing his breath surrounding sounds and adrenaline would have done well.
Other than this your vocabulary is good enough and well used too. The writing was thoroughly enjoyable except for the few mishaps like the above mentioned. Try rereading or perhaps rewriting the whole thing keeping this as a initial draft guide.
Grammar :: 13/20
It was pretty much error-less and with appropriate word choice. The flashback part was written well too with italics; it was well distinguished and written with well balanced vocabulary.
TOTAL :: 63.5/100
Reviewer's Note :: for a horror story I think you did really well. If only the writing was a bit improvised and emotions well portrayed it would have been a fun read. Nonetheless I had a good time reading the story. All the best for the future!
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