The title was okay, it fit and it was interesting as well so that’s good. But I think it could’ve been written/executed in a better way. It’s alright as of now & although it has a nice ring to it I think it could’ve been better. Nonetheless 3 for the effort and thoughts!
» Cover :: 7/10
The cover was pretty, it matched the theme as well. Covers are one of the two main things which attract readers to a story. I've seen a lot of readers choose stories based on the cover so if your cover is good then your job is done.
» Blurb :: 3/5
First of all I love your vocab- the way the sentences are written. Good job on that. Just one thing I’d like to say is that a good blurb should carry sufficient info and tiny hints about the plot and it should also contain a brief elucidation about the characteristics/personality of the MC(s) and maybe a little about their backgrounds. But the most important thing is while writing it you should never give out your plot. Here I think that’s what may have happened but given the descriptive language and sentence construction it’s okay but maybe deducting some info from here would do much better since it gives a plot a bit too much right now.The blurb altogether was alright, but I think it would’ve been more interesting with a little bit of suspense. Right now it’s moderate but it gives out too much about the plot. The effort is good though.
Dawn :: 7/10
The first chapter was good, as I’ve said before your vocab is very good and it had me hooked while reading. Everything was alright and there's not much to say here but one thing is that maybe more emotions would’ve been better. Right now it kinda sounds monotone. Other than that I have no other complaints.
Plot and Idea :: 17/20
The plot was alright I guess, creativity too. I haven’t read any book like this so the originality is good too. The pace was alright as well, but it would’ve been more interesting to read if there were more emotions. Your descriptive language was a bit underwhelming. Some places the scenes were written in a very monotone way, there it became quite boring to read. Your vocab is good but at some places the emotion needs to be fixed.
Characters and Emotions :: 10/15
This part was better, your vocab is very good so that made the characters interesting but as i've said before there were too little emotions so they all sounded monotone. The descriptive language wasn’t up to the mark and they lack the emotions needed a lot because right now it sounds like a script that goes on and on without any message to convey or any sort of feeling or emotion to deliver. I don’t relate to the characters nor can I properly understand what emotions they are trying to deliver in that specific scene. Besides that they were fine. Characters should have balanced emotions so that they’re not underwhelming or overwhelming. Maybe more relatable characteristics or characters with more emotions et cetera could make it better and also capture the reader's more into the characters lives.
Writing Style :: 12/15
Your writing style is good, the vocab and sentence construction is also good, the only fault here is that the descriptive language is too monotone.Everything was alright except that. Your sentence construction was fine too but the descriptive language needs to be improved a lot. Right now it’s fine but it needs to sound more intriguing, if the writings are not good a book can never attract readers. Now matter how interesting the plot is.
Grammar :: 18/20
Your grammar was alright and I didn’t catch any mistakes except for some punctuation.You used commas too many times in some places and also to mark the end of dialogues, instead of commas period could be used. Other than that I didn’t see any mistakes so that’s good. Just the chapters need to be proofread and that’ll do. If grammar isn’t good then the story will automatically be hard to read and understand, so if your grammar is good then your job’s halfway done.
TOTAL :: 75/100
Reviewer's Note :: The book was overall pretty good, I enjoyed reading. However it needs to be improved in some ways. Your vocabulary, grammar, sentence construction was alright but your descriptive language lacked a bit. This affected the characters making them sound monotonous. Characters are the main part of a story, without them a story cannot be written in any way. If the characters aren’t good then the story won’t interest the readers. I’d suggest editing the book or having it edited by someone. Other than that everything else was fine. The plot was good too.
![𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 : ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ [CLOSED]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/287210578-64-k299057.jpg)