Someday Soon (wlw)

s3 e23

M a t t

walking through the graveyard, i hung my head down low with my hands off in my coat pocket. i won't lie, my emotions were gonna get the best of me but i had to be here, i had to come see my wife...i had to build up the strength to come see her.

"Josie," i mumble, a faint smile appearing across my lips. my insides felt all tingly, i felt like i was meeting her again, for the very first time..that day was special, id never forget that. "im here, i, i finally mastered the course to come see you..it's really hard though, ill say that."

"i um...i haven't been the best but Alexandra, something about our beautiful daughter makes my soul melt, i can't get over her. when im sad and in the dumps, she always managed to put a smile on my face. though it saddens me sometimes because i know she deals with a lot herself and her emotions are just crazy as mine."

i shut my eyes for a pure second, taking in the cold breeze as it practically slapped me across the face.

"i miss you..we all do, really. you use to light the room up, i miss that, i miss you so much."

I reached out, my fingers grazing over her engraved name, feeling the coldness shot through my body. a deep sadness washed over me as i watched my fingers trace over her name as more snow-covered it again.

"you know...i sometimes sit and ask myself how do Alex and i do it on our own. questioning what the next day holds for us and yeah it's rocky right now but you're always there with us. always. that's what kept Alex and i sane and stable..you. i love you so much, Josie."

not able to conjure up anything, i stood there in silence as my eyes danced over her stone..a warm feeling filling my body.

"i know Alex comes to see you a lot..she does most of the things concerning you and i, i just—" i pause, rubbing my hands over my face. "i couldn't put myself back into that position anymore..seeing your empty office every day and how lonely and cold it's gotten...i haven't been the same, Josie."

"i know, i know, things get better with time, and believe me, it's getting better—somewhat but i can't get over your death..it has haunted me for days on end. i can't help it anymore, it's hurting."

suddenly, i was interrupted by Reed, "i don't mean to interrupt and i apologize for doing so but there's a storm rolling in, just wanted to give you a small heads up. ill be in the car waiting for you when you're ready."

i give him a faint nod, "thank you, Reed, i appreciate your help. ill be back in the car in about five, thank you."

he nods, not bothering to reply back as he exits, making his way to the car.

i let out a soft sigh, tucking my bottom lip, "i uh," i chuckle softly, rubbing my beard. "uh i got our daughter a bodyguard, though she always went against it. it's Reed, Noa's dad. never thought id ever do that but some dumbass thought it was sweet to threaten ours. that's one i don't play about, ever."

"i love you, Josie, i always have and i always will.." i tilt my head down, my eyes falling upon her stone. "ill try my hardest to come visit you more often.. though i wish heaven had actually visiting hours."

i sigh, dragging my fingertips over her name once more, "i love you, sweetheart. always and forever."

forever and always.

taking a breath, i pulled myself together as i made my way back over to the car. dragging myself into the car, i closed the passenger door shut relaxing into the seat.

"you okay?" Reed asked, giving me a worried expression.

i nod, "i am, yes. uh, i have one more stop and that'll be all for today."