Someday Soon (wlw)

s2 e21

i chuckle, pulling my hair up into a bun, "i see, i see. uh, i need one second, excuse me."

i quickly grabbed my purse, excusing myself, making my way over into my dad's office. i don't know if it's a good or bad thing that mom and dad's office are so damn close by.

i went off behind his desk, sliding into his chair as i pulled the note from my purse. i took a breath, shutting my eyes, trying to pulling myself together before reading.

opening my eyes, i took one more breath, "okay, let's read this."

"Dear Matt,

i don't know how to start this off, i don't even know if you'll ever read this, ever. maybe you will or maybe you won't but it needs to be said. you know i love you, i love you with every ounce of light in me. you've loved me so dearly and i cannot-hell, no, i do not know how i will ever thank you for that. i know i was never the best to you and i hurt you along the way and i apologize, in every way, shape, and form. i always told you that you deserved better and still, i believe that you do. but i appreciate the days you stopped life and loved me fully. i appreciate the days where i couldn't pull myself out of bed but you, you helped me. you took the time out of your days and nights to help me. our small walks in the park, our small dinners, our small move nights. i appreciate it all.

i know this is going to be everywhere and i apologize for that but most importantly, i appreciate you giving life to Alexandra,"

"mom," i whispered to myself, feeling the tears roll down my cheek. "fuck," i bit down onto my bottom lip, placing my head down onto the desk. "get it together, Alex. come on, come on."

"i know we gave her the best we could and i wasn't always the best, health-wise, physically and mentally, but you? you helped me. you helped me get by it and i cannot tell you how much it meant to me. Alexandra is our light, she kept me alive and you, you knew that. you seen me get better, you seen my health increase, in a good way. Alexandra was everything to me and i love her deeply, i hope she knows that. i hope she knows that she changed me for the better, i love her, Matt.

i uh, i think im gonna end this here but before i go, i want you both to read this together, i love you both. i love you so much Matt and i love you with my dying heart, Alexandra. you two changed me for the better and i can never truly thank either of you so i hope you two read this and grasps an understanding. i love you two so much."

Sincerely, Josie.

i sat in silence, taking in every word i read. the tears were just flowing at this point and i couldn't stop them. hell, i didn't know want.

"mom," i mumble softly, feeling my heart sink deep within my chest. "i love you so much more, mom."

"was this like a suicide note?" i whispered. i sit there, puzzled, trying to gather whatever thoughts i could. "when was this written?"

looking down at the paper, my eyes read, January 10th, 2013, big and bolded.

"how long has this been here? did dad read it? fuck, all these questions."

suddenly, there was a knock on the door and i froze.

fuck, who was that?

"it's open," i spoke softly, feeling my voice break a little. the door swung open and in walked Alyssa.

"you okay? i wen-oh my gosh, you're crying, Alexandra what's wrong?" she wasted no time, making her way behind the desk, embracing me firmly. "are you okay?"

"im okay," i mumble, hanging onto her.

"Alex," she pulls away, cupping my face inside of her hands. her hands were warm, her touch felt heavenly. even the sadness in my soul couldn't compare to how she made me feel. "you're hurting and you and i both know that."