Someday Soon (wlw)

s3 e22

               Alyssa

'Alyssa I'm scared, what if we don't find her,' repeated in my head constantly since Ava's disappearance. my heart ached for Alex, nights i know she cried..her eyes practically told it all.

i know she was hurting but there was only so much i could do..i know her father was trying everything he could.

we're gonna find her Alex, i promise.

i sighed to myself, looking in the mirror as i took myself in, "im so tired," i mumbled, hanging my head down low. running my fingers through my hair i let out a long sigh, flopping back down in bed.

my eyes desperately analyzing the bedroom i now sat in, my old childhood bedroom. the walls still held the memories. the baby pictures of me..my soul felt warm at the sight of them all.

grabbing a picture, my eyes landed on Daniel whom stood beside me in the picture. we were both matching, white and black. nothing too fancy or out of the way.

"i was so tiny," i mumble, a smile creeping upon my lips. "so was dan, oh my goodness."

"yes you were," my mother said, slowly entering the room. returning back home, i could honestly say i never felt more at home. the peace here—the calming mornings was things i missed..i was glad to be back. seeing my moms face everyday was heavenly..i missed this. "you and him were like five in this picture, it was right after i had to go back and get you changed again because you were a messy eater."

"that's kids for you mom, im sure dan wasn't much of a clean eater himself."

she shakes her head, "that he wasn't, no. i usually would let him and you run wild with a diaper on because you guys blew through clothes too much."

i laugh softly as i set the picture down, "we did, i remember that."

she nods, "yes, yes but are you alright? you've been all to yourself since you've been here. you would talk to me if you had a problem, right?"

i nod slowly, hanging my head down low, "i would, yes. but—i,i don't know, mom. its complicated."

she flips down beside me, resting her hands on her lap, "try me, im listening. wait is this about personal issues or like a relationship..? which still is personal but you know."

"i do, i do, yes ma'am. but it's about a relationship, kind of."

she nods slow, "continue."

"i believe we love each other..which we've been pushing off for a while because love is a strong word and feeling. i never thought it would've gotten this serious and sometimes i feel bad about it because i push my feelings away. why? because hurting them hurts me and i, i hate it."

"we're talking about the lovely Alexandra Lance, aren't we?" my mother says, her eyes sharp on me. slowly, i rose my head up and our eyes met, i couldn't help but feel my heart thump inside of my chest.

"y—yes ma'am," i nod slow.

"and you say you love her..?" mom asked, her head slightly tilted.

"yes, yes i do. i just hate hurting her..and mom she's so precious. like mom, i can be an asshole at times, yes but ive never been one to her..i really like her."

she smiles, placing a hand upon my shoulder, "darling, don't let it go. don't let her go..if you love her as much as you say you do, love her with every ounce of love you have to offer. you're going to hurt people..that comes with life. rather it's intentional or unintentional—you'll make mistakes and that's okay because we're human. but tell her, tell her how much you love her and maybe, just maybe you and her will get somewhere. but staying in the same place, hoping and praying it'll go smoothly is something you shouldn't do."