777 Ways

CHAPTER 16 - ABSOLUTION

"So you did have sex with her." The Korean inhaled and clenched his fists. He knew that all along, Mark never denied it, but hearing about the circumstances in which it happened, made him feel at loss. "I don't understand. Jackson never told me they had broken off the engagement! I contacted her several times while she was overseas and she never said anything! And you! You were obviously the cause of it. She was depressed and you took advantage of it-"

"I was miserable. And so was she. No one could have saved us from ourselves. And if those brief minutes of pleasure meant so much to her, if my body could give her some sort of consolation, or-"

"Stop!" Jinyoung shouted angrily and turned to him again. "Did you even love her?"

"I loved her as the beautiful human being she was, but not as a lover." Mark stayed still, even though Jinyoung's accusatory tone would've made someone else flinch. The author shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. Getting mad at the older made no sense now. He wanted the truth, and the American never told him that it would be easy to listen to it, he only said it would be pointless. Now, Jinyoung couldn't agree with him more, Mark's narrative only made him feel painfully impotent.

"She must've been sad when you dropped out of college. How did she take it?" he asked in a more contained manner. Saddened but a bit more resigned, Jinyoung still wanted to her the end of that story.

"We kept seeing each other even after I left college for good. She understood why I did it. My roommate had overdosed and police started investigating where the drugs had come from. They interrogated me, but I pretended I had nothing to do with it. My parents learned about the incident and took me home. They thought I was using it too and wanted to put me in rehab. Cameron came to the house and introduced himself to my parents as my 'boyfriend'. I couldn't believe when I saw him standing in the middle of my living room. My parents were appalled to know that their son was gay, and a junkie. They were ashamed of what I had become. They didn't stop Cam when he put me in his car, and brought me to live with my uncle in Downtown LA permanently. Last time I texted my father, and I told him that I was learning bartending from his brother, he assumed I was a lost cause, and my mom finally stopped sending me texts. My siblings were warned not to get in touch with me. I didn't belong to that fancy part of the family anymore."

"I'm sorry to hear that." The Korean offered him a sympathetic look, but the older rejected it.

"Don't be. I still had Soo Young. We still met once a week at a Café near the campus. I eventually told her everything that had happened. Including the fact that I had recently sheltered a Thai young kid at my apartment. She told me I should keep him if he was worth saving." Mark paused, and smiled a bit before he continued. "She told me about what was going on in her life too. Apparently, SooYoung was seeing a therapist, and she claimed that she could finally manage her depression. Her mood had really improved, and according to her, her thesis was going well. She knew I could not leave Cameron, nor my uncle or that lifestyle. She knew no one should know we still kept in contact with each other. We were careful not to be seen together. She was the only bit of normalcy I still had in my life. I had seen people get stabbed, beaten up, shot, killed, and humiliated in my neighborhood, and all that ugliness around me suffocated me. Nevertheless, whenever I drove away from there to meet her, I felt like I could breathe kindness again. It was a refreshing feeling. Ironically, she told me I kept her balanced. We decided to become give it a name to that connection of ours. We officially dated for almost 3 years, but I never loved her the way she loved me."

"3 years." Jinyoung repeated the words unconsciously. Then he gave Mark a downhearted smile. "So you cheated at our get-to-know-you game. When we played 'two truths and a lie' at the penthouse, you let us assume you didn't date girls before you realized you were gay."