Innocent Torture

update update lol

Wow wow wow, has it been what, like forever since the last time I've spoken or wrote to you guys. 

Okay so first and foremost, I want to thank the so many of you that are still adding this story to your reading lists, and continuing to read, and maybe even rereading the story over and over again despite the lack of updates. It truly means the world to me, and always touches my achey breaky heart when I see people still enjoying my work. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart to the top and then some. <3

Now, In regards to IIT and the story itself; As many of you have been waiting on a new update... I have come to a dilemma that has kept me stuck in one spot for quite some time. IIT is still and will honestly forever be my first born pride and joy when it comes to being vulnerable enough to share my writing with the world, and I very much am proud of this story, despite a lot of its flaws (which I will get into in just a bit.)

This story in itself, is a lot to unpack, let alone read and follow alone. At the time that I wrote this story, I was really young. Probably an early teen I want to say, and with that I had a very flawed view of what 'affection' looked like, as well as what I found 'cute' and 'romantic'. To which a lot of those things that I thought were 'cute' were just downright disgusting behavior, and terrible actions glossed over by the 'stereotypical masculine male' and the 'docile small and weak girl' type of trope. Which now, I honestly hate it. It makes me sick. 

So with that new found emotion, over the past few months since the last update that I put out I haven't been enjoying writing this story as much as I used too. Part of the reason being that it is just a change in season, and also change in my life. As I've expressed my discernment with some of the events I've written up in this story, since then I have grown so much since beginning this story, and just in general being a writer on Wattpad I have grown so so much. And I wish to show you all that in my writing and express it more creatively, as well as whole heartedly, and carefully.

I also feel that with this growth, that unfortunately I am in a way losing that spark I had when I used to write. Not that I don't have a passion for writing, or that I find writing stories to be boring anymore. But I just feel like when it comes to my stories, I want them to have a whole new meaning, and reflect the me that is now more mature, and grown up. I'm not as avid to put out a chapter just because its finally finished, or to write up something and not reread it to check for errors.

I want there to be meaning, and significance in my stories. And honestly in any and every bit of art that I create. I want what I write to have someone walk away from their device, or maybe even one of my physical works one day, and have thought about how it may apply to their life. How it maybe has changed their life for the better, or opened their eyes to something new and refreshing to their experiences.

Ultimately I wish to touch hearts, in ways that aren't just temporary or base level. I wish to have lasting impacts, and hopefully with good intention.

So with that being said, over the past few months I came to a few ideas that I have considered and one of them involved un-publishing this story entirely, and working on it from top to bottom. This was in consideration of the many readers that I've grown over the years of writing this story, and was an idea I had when I first started to lose my spark for IIT. Now I realized with this option that it would mean literally having to wait so much longer for an overall giant update, and then coming back to feast on what is fresh and new. Which honestly, isn't very fun.

Or, the other option was to just finish the story and leave it as is. It was one or the other, and after taking many months and even starting a whole new story (which updates on that will be set out soon, I am in LOVE with the story and wish to share it with you all eventually. It is very much so still a work in progress - almost finished writing - but its honestly so much better than this story, in terms of maturity and plot wise lol). I ended up just deciding to finish this story up and let it be as it is. 

I know that I hinted here and there in the past of future editions to be made, like side stories of Paris and Markus, and maybe even more, but at this time I honestly just want to give IIT a rest and let it sit for a bit, before going back and trying to survive rereading my childhood work, to start something new from it. You know what I mean? The cringe is what kills me, lmfao. 

But aside from that, the plan to finish this story means that I'd hope to be done with IIT by the end of this year (I know insane of me knowing that November is literally already almost finished). But I've been writing in the few months I've been gone and have been working through some extra chapters, that aren't that great but they definitely should suffice to finish up the story. Just know, there's at MOST Ten-Twelve chapters left that I've given myself, to wrap up this story for good.

So to wrap the whole context of IIT up, plan to look out for the final chapters in regards to IIT in the next month or two (not too many in the new year I hope). It is a bittersweet deal, but I feel it is what's best for the story, and for you all who have waited so long for an update. 

Onto life, and I'll keep it short. I am doing well. The weather is changing, and usually at this time of year I'd be down in the slumps, due to seasonal depression which many of us may relate too. But I've been keeping myself busy, and have been just living life to the best ability that I can. I honestly, am content and happy to be here. Truly. I'm happy to be able to say that, and I wish for the same amount of happiness and more for each and every one you to feel as well. 

One thing I have realized in these 'unparalleled' times, is that happiness is not something that needs to be worked for. It's not something that you should wait to earn only after achieving something great. Happiness is a given. It is your God given right to be happy. 

In a day and age where boasting about how down in the slumps we are, and how life is so hard I feel that its almost rare to hear about people actually happy with their lives. If there's one thing I wish for all of you reading this, it is that you are happy. Even if its just for a bit, relish it. Truly let it marinate your skin, and warm your body in the moment you feel it, and remember that feeling when you're down. 

I pray for peace of mind, wellness in spirit, mind and body for you all, and for all your moments to be filled with blessings, from here on out. 

With love and I'll see you soon !

J. ❤️