Queen Bee

March 2010 (2)

Being back in the studio, it felt good, and it felt for real, like this time I finally had something. Inspiration. Creativity. Innovation. I wasn't just waiting around for it to hit me anymore, no, it had hit me, and it had hit me hard. 

Soon after the freestyle me, Marshall, and Fifty did, I felt the artistry crash into me like a brick wall, and it finally all felt right, just as I knew it would. I knew the time would present itself to me, and I knew it couldn't be forced. All I could do was just wait, and thank god I did. The ideas I have right now, the drive I have right now, it's absolutely unmatched, and it's so exciting. 

It also helps too that Marshall is essentially completely done the Recovery record, and now we can both place our complete and total focus on me and what I wanna do next. I still feel in my heart that I want it to be a mixtape, I absolutely loved how easy and stress-free the entire roll out for Ms. G.O.A.T was, not to mention it's incredibly helpful when you do have a small kid running around, but it's also nice creativity-wise. I was able to do pretty much whatever I wanted on that mixtape, and I barely had to worry about what the high up executives thought, or what tracks they wanted me to make in order to bring in as much cash as possible. It was a really, really amazing experience, regardless of the fact that it only turned out that way due to Marshall's OD, but still. At the end of the day, it was truly exciting being able to have damn near one hundred percent of the say, and now I just wanna emulate that as best I can. I have no idea what I'm gonna call it, or where I'll even go with this record, but I do know I'm gonna have as much fun as possible, and enjoy every last minute. 

"Aight, baby, just run through that third verse one last time then I think you got it." Marshall's supportive and helpful tone rang through my headphones, directly into my eardrums as I offered a nod and a thumbs up back. 

Wasting no time, he hit play on the familiar beat that Bangladesh, one of my new favourite producers, had sent over to me after I reached out asking if he had anything he felt like he might wanna share with me. Jumping immediately on the opportunity, I was sent numerous beats that he thought I might like, and with Marshall's help, we found the perfect one. 

"All you clones had your shine like cubic stones/Now the show's over, Jenny Jones/Toss 'em in the lake like Ricky, bitch/And I stay on this money, like a pyramid/Yeah, I've been about a cheque, hoe/You stole your whole swag, you worse than a klepto'/I just blow 'em kisses, X 'n' O/Got 'em sick to their stomach, pepto/All you bitches is some bums/I fill your cup up with change/You hoes should be rappin' on the number four train/The price of your mother's house, I paid for my Range/And that's on autobiography/I swear these hoes be obsessed how they copy me/Laxative flow, I'm shittin' on 'em constantly/And I leave a stain like I ain't wiped my ass properly/Ew!"

"Yeah, good job, baby. The delivery of that was strong. Come out and listen." Marshall stated through the mic once more. Smiling, I took a quick swig from my water bottle before sliding the headphones off my head and making my way out of the booth. 

"You like that one?!" I asked happily, my gaze tracking his focused features as I plopped myself down beside him. 

"Yeah," he nodded, his eyes refusing to make contact with mine as his fingers pushed various buttons attached to the soundboard. 

Staring for a moment with a cocked eyebrow, I tried my best to decode his suspicious body language. "What's wrong?" 

"Hm?" His neck snapped towards me. "Nothin', why?" 

"You're lyin'. What's wrong?" 

"Nah, I just-" Shaking his head, a small smile pulled at his lips as he quickly realized he was no longer able to escape me. He sighed. "I don't know, baby, you really gotta go after this girl? All it's doin' is startin' more shit-" 

"No, all it's doin' is respondin' to her shit!" I quickly exclaimed. "She's been makin' record, after record, after record comin' at me, so now she's gettin' a formal response. If she ain't want it, she shoulda kept her goddamn mouth shut." 

"Nah, baby, I know, I know, I agree but like- I thought you were likin' our drama-free life? You really wanna get into shit like this again? You basically already responded to her on ThisIs50-"

"I did, but that wasn't official. This is official. And I'm barely even sayin' anything, anyway, but I guarantee you, if someone was comin' at you talkin' as much shit as this chick has been doin' to me, you woulda flown off the handle bars like five disses ago. I love our drama-free personal life, but publicly, I'm done with bein' somebody's punchin' bag, and all that interview did was just solidify it for me. People think I'm bein' bitter and petty? Aight. I'ma show 'em the most bitter and petty bitch I can."

A shallow sigh escaped his lips as if he was feeling defeated. "Angel-"  

"No, Marshall, I ain't fightin' with you on this. We've never gotten involved in each other's beefs, don't get involved in this one then if you ain't like it." 

"Baby, I ain't care if I'm involved or not, I support you regardless, but I just know how shit like this consumes you 'cause it consumes me in the same mothafuckin' way. All this verse does is just open the beef up more and invite it in, so be cautious is all I'm sayin' 'cause we got bigger and better shit goin' on right now that's far more important than this bitch ever will be." 

"And I agree with you, that's why I gotta clear her so I can focus on plannin' our wedding, and my Recovery tour set, and y'know, start makin' music that I actually enjoy. 'Cause this is all fun and games, but you're right, at the end of the day it is annoying that I have to deal with this, but I gotta do what I gotta do, and you know that." 

Nodding, he muttered, "yeah, I know. This is what I get for findin' women with backbones sexy." 

I laughed. "Yeah, it is! You always say you love how strong I am, how I stand up for myself, well the time has come, baby. So you better enjoy it, 'cause this is what you signed up for." Pointing a stern finger directly at him, he too laughed. 

"Baby, I ain't sayin' I don't love it, 'cause I do. It's fuckin' hot. I'm just sayin', y'know, I ain't think this chick is the hill to die on for you."

"Yeah." I nodded. "And like I said, I agree. But at the end of the day, somethin's gotta give with this bitch, and she gon' get what's comin' to her she ain't start actin' right." 

"Aight, well, I support you no matter what in whatever you wanna do, so if this is somethin' you really feel needs to be pursed, then I'm right there with you one hundred percent, baby. I always got your back, you know that." 

Smiling, I gently leaned forward as I pressed my lips happily against his. "I know you do, thank you." 

Returning both the smile and yet another kiss, his body too leaned forward as he met mine in the middle. "I love you." His deep voice husked, eyes remaining laser focused on mine as a thick tension began to stir. 

"I love you more." I quietly rasped. 

Pausing for a moment, we continued studying each other's features. "You really gon' make us sit down here and finish the track or can we just do it tomorrow and I'll take you upstairs and fuck you instead?" 

I nodded, another small smile pulling at my lips. "Fuck me instead." 

"Yup!" Immediately shooting up from the chair, his hand was quick to snatch mine as he forced me to stand, dragging me behind him as fast as he could. Laughing at his eagerness, we both completely forgot to shut anything down in the studio before being yanked up two large flight of stairs, and directly into the bedroom. He can talk all the shit he wants, he likes me in attack mode, and he knows it.