Queen Bee

January 2008 (2)

As my toothbrush bobbed back and forth over my pearly whites, I couldn't help the nervous stare taking over my facial features as I focused my eyes onto the large, square BlackBerry that seemed to do nothing but just stare back at me. Beginning to brush harder and harder with the longer I gawked, the salty flavour of blood quickly overpowered my tastebuds. "Fuck." I muttered, pulling the red-dyed, paste covered toothbrush from my mouth. 

Running it under the stream, I quickly spat the remainder of the froth from between my lips directly into the sink, before leaning over to engulf a mouthful of the water. After the short process of rinsing and spitting, I gently turned off the faucet, placing my toothbrush back into its correct holder. 

Picking up my phone, I ran my tongue over my gums where I could still taste the faint traces of blood. Knowing I had to call Alicia, I chose to ignore my painful micro-tears by quickly finding her contact and pressing talk. 

Bringing the phone up towards my ear, I glanced towards the bathroom door just to be extra sure that it was tightly shut. Feeling satisfied with my amount of privacy, I gently turned around, hoisting myself up onto the bathroom counter as the ringing came to an abrupt stop. 

"Baby! I was just about to call you." Alicia's familiar, happy voice danced through the speaker, immediately causing all of my anxiety to melt away. See?! Why would you ever be nervous to call her, Angel? You know she's always gonna be excited to hear from you.

"Were you?" I smiled. "Wow, I must be psychic or something." 

She laughed. "How are you? How was your day? I miss you!" 

"I miss you too!" I whined. "It was good, Marshall had a doctor's appointment today, so I went with him to that." 

"Mhm, how was it?" 

A small, nervous sigh rolled from my lips as I felt my anxiety slowly begin to spike once more. "Yeah, it was fine... He's doing really well, but- Uhm-" I cleared my throat. "The weaning process- Is- Taking a lot longer than they originally thought, so- They're estimating maybe..." Trailing off momentarily, my voice became quiet. "Around April?"

"Around April for what?" She asked, curiously. 

Swallowing the thickened saliva, my sweaty palm gripped the phone tighter. "For when he'd be completely off the Methadone." 

Listening as she paused, it was almost as if I could feel the anger wanting so badly to explode from inside her. "So what does that mean for you, Angel?" She asked again, this time her tone turning sharp and cold. 

"Well, I mean, I- I don't know-" I quickly responded. "I was thinking-" 

"That you're gonna stay? Until April?" She blared through. 

"I-" 

"Are you sleeping with him?" Cutting me off once more, my eyes quickly grew twice their size as my brows flew upwards towards my hairline. 

"Alicia, no!" I yelled sternly. "Of course not, I would never do that to you-" 

"Do you love him? Do you wanna be with him?" She quickly asked, attitude spilling from her lips. 

"No! No! 'Course I don't!" I desperately yelled again, feeling as the panic began to take over me. 

"You don't love him? At all?" 

"Well, Alicia, he's Des' daddy-" 

"So you do!" She yelled, almost as if she felt she had caught me. 

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't!" I yelled back. "But that doesn't mean I wanna be with him?!" 

"See, I would believe that if I didn't know what I know about you two, but I do. You've told me everything about your guys' relationship, and I don't trust it-"