No Love Involved (COMPLETED)

The Luckiest Man

Zeph.

 

 

I cried my heart out again. Pang-ilang iyak ko nab a ito ng dahil sa kanya? Napakarami na. Hindi na rin mabilang. The taxi driver even bothered because I was crying the whole time.

He asked me for my destination but I was too preoccupied to answer so he just drove around the city. Mabuti na lang mabait siya kaya hindi niya ako sapilitang pinababa. After almost thirty minutes of crying ay nasabi ko na rin kung saan ako pupunta.

It wasn't that late but I know Jayson is already home. Alam niyang maaga akong umalis kaya tiyak magtataka iyon kung bakit wala pa ako sa bahay niya. For sure he will also ask why my eyes are puffy and my nose is red. But I don't want to hide it. For once I want to be true to myself and to Jayson that I'm broken and that I'm damaged goods.

He said he'll make me fall. He said he'll teach me to love again. So, perhaps showing him this vulnerable side of me would be a good start. I don't want to lie anymore. I don't want to hide the agony that has changed me over the year.

When I reached his house ay hindi na ako nagtaka nung makita ko siyang nakatayo sa gate. He looks murderous kaya alam kong kanina pa siya naghihintay pero nung nakita niya ang hitsura ko ay napalitan ng pag-aalala ang buong mukha niya.

"My God, baby. You got me so scared!" Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit and after a very long day I felt that I am finally home.

"Mine..." Mabigit ang dibdib ko but I need this hug for comfort.

"I won't ask. Let's just get inside." He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around my waist.

I leaned my head on his shoulder as he guided me towards the house. It's been awhile since I felt and loved like this. Alam kong hindi ako mahal ni Jayson. Love is a big word for the both of us but I know he cares for me. And right now, that's what I need. I need someone who'll listen, understand, and make feel loved.

Pinaupo niya ako sa sofa at saka naramdaman ko ang paglayo niya sa akin. Para akong naalarma at natakot na baka iwan niya ako kaya humawak ako sa laylayan ng tshirt niya. Walang salitang lumabas sa akin pero ang simpleng pag-iling ko ay sapat na para maintindihan niya na ayaw ko siyang umalis.

Nakakaunawang tumango ito at saka umupo sa tabi ko. Hinila niya ako sa bewang at niyakap patalikod habang nakasandal siya sa arm rest. He made me lean on his chest and he started raining small kisses on top of my head.

Hindi ko na naman napigilan an pag-iyak. Miguel used to do this before. I remember when my mother always made me feel unloved. There were a lot of instances that she contradicted my decisions. Kontra siya sa kinuha kong course, kontra siya sa pagdedevote ko na sarili ko sa research na ginagawa ko, kontra siya pagiging malaya ko, kontra siya sa pagbili ko ng condo, kontra siya sa halos lahat ng gagawin ko.