Wrong number :/~~Spider-Man

Basically my experience in Social Interactions

Creepy Old Guy
I'm coming to pick you up kid

Fetus
No no wait it was a joke

Creepy Old Guy
How does wanting to become a human smoothie translate to 'joke' in your head?

Fetus
To feed the cannibals

Creepy Old Guy
No!! Absolutely not!

Fetus
I'm sorry! I had to get one more out sir

Creepy Old Guy
I'm going to accidentally force myself to gain the ability of having heart attacks just by stressing over you alone, kid

Fetus
I'm sorry, I'll try to give you only the yogurt level of jokes I have. You can't even handle the mild salsa station 😔

Creepy Old Guy
Goodness gracious

Fetus
I'll make you understand someday, mr Stark

Creepy Old Guy
Not so sure that I want to anymore

Fetus
Sucks to suck, sir

Anyways Reginald says the food is done so imma eat now, bye luv u mr Stark don't actually come here I promise you I am very safe right now okay toodles✨

Creepy Old Guy
Who even said you weren't safe? Who is Reginald?
Where is your aunt??

You can't leave this kind of stuff unanswered Pete

Gah, at least tell me when you're done

-

Reginald had the whole kitchen smelling like a restaurant, it was mouth-watering. Peter was almost offended at how good the cooking was.

Never would he be able to tell you what anything was named that Mr Fancy Dude made, but he could sure as hell tell you it was almost unnaturally good.

"Mr Reginald, sir, uh.. where did you learn to cook?" Peter asked as Reginald set down one of the two dishes he'd made in front of Peter.

Reginald seemed a bit amused at the question, answering as he sat down at the counter next to Peter. "Nick Nairn Cook school, sir" he replied, smoothing down a napkin onto his lap like some sort of genius.

Peter gave a little 'o' shape with his mouth, still having no idea what that was or why he asked. Still, it was nice to at least have a topic to start the conversation with, most of the time he bashed in unprepared.

"Oh cool! Where's it at?" Peter asked, cutting one of the atrociously delightful chicken pieces up and stuffing it into his mouth.

"Port of Meredith, Scotland" The accent made more sense to Peter now, like a classically refined Viking.

Peter had never heard a Scottish accent from stuff other than animated movies (Brave, How to Train your Dragon, Shrek, etc) and those blacksmith videos with those dudes harboring the deep voice of an angel, so it almost made him feel stupid that he didn't notice it before, and that his only connection tho Scottish people was sea-shanties and Vikings.

"Oh really, what's it like there?" Peter was struggling to stay intact with the conversation again, the taste of whatever the heck this chicken-y vegetable saucer pan of delight emitted reminded him of the feeling of acing a test.

"Beautiful.. my mother had a great love for cooking before she passed on. I hold fond memories of her. We moved to America not long after she passed on, and I returned only to take cooking classes. I consider Nick's one of the most fulfilling for my skill, and joined the rest of my family once completing my goal, sir" Reginald had a lost look in his eye as he spoke, still consuming his plate politely and patiently.

Peter, despite his verbal and social illiteracy, had grasped that this was not something Reginald shared often, henceforth proving that whatever the hell he'd done in this conversation was (hopefully) a good thing.

"Well, I'm glad you came to America, mr Reginald! You're pretty cool" Peter beamed tiredly, setting down his fork.

"Thank you sir, really. And please, call me Agneus" Reginald returned a polite smile, setting his utensils down as well and holding out his hand to shake "I don't believe we were properly introduced".

Peter accepted the gesture, nodding while they greeted. "I'm Peter, sir. Peter Parker".

"Hello Mr Parker"

"Hello sir.." Agneus's' smile warmed up at Peter, shifting to more of an amused grin.

Ohh boy Peter felt stupid. Well, he always did. Perhaps a bit more stupid than normal? The stupid always seemed to find him at the strangest of times.

"This may be personal, but if you don't mind me asking, Peter.. how is it that Master Eugene came to bring you here in such a state? I didn't have time to say it before, but these look a bit extreme for a 'skateboarding' accident." Agneus inquired, knowing full well that exactly none of this could've been caused by a toy who's weapon of attack consisted scrapes and bone snappings.

"A skateboarding incident?? Where did that come from?" Peter sat up straighter, realizing he may have just broken a lie Flash had set up for him.

If Peter was being honest? The lie sucked. Don't get him wrong, he was grateful that Flash would try and defend him like that! But a skateboarding accident??

As stupid as it was, it could really help him now. All Peter had to do was come up with a more plausible lie and debunk the other one saying he didn't want the "real" one revealed, but trusted Agneus with it.

"I believe Eugene was attempting to cover up something.. perhaps something slightly less acceptable in legal terms?" Reginald wanted to at least know who this kid was, because the longer he was with Peter, the more concern he gained. He just wasn't sure if the worry should be towards the child or himself.

"What?? No! Well- sorta, but not in any way you're thinking, I swear!" Peter panicked. He was thinking too much about things to come up with that he accidentally gave himself less to work with.

He just didn't want to get in trouble. What could he even say? And what impact would whatever he come up with change Reginald's view on him?? There wasn't much he could do. Maybe just a mugging gone really wrong! He'd read newspaper articles and stuff about that, some were worse than others.

But what if Reginald asks what was taken..? Just...say like a 20$ or something! But then what if he tries to pay it back?? Or worse, try and convince Peter to go back to the hospital!?

In the midst of his panic, Peter had a thought he'd refused to acknowledge for quite some time in situations like this.

Why was he lying?

Of course, this was a question that would and had been haunting Peter to the grave. Always and forever. He felt guilty at every falsehood, and they've only gotten bigger lately.

So why was Peter still doing it?

His normal answer was just because of May. May would be mad. People would hate him after seeing what he'd let grow. No one would look at him the same. No one would understand it..

But like- none of it mattered now?

May, as hesitant as he was to believe it, wasn't there anymore. Not physically at least. Who cares if people hated him?

The age of Emotions was over.

Peter was going full "fuck it" now

-

I literally cannot believe how long that was in drafts. I SWEAR I thought I posted it, I really really did, and when I got on I added two sentences and finished. I am so sorry I made you all wait so long.

(Also I feel the need to mention that the last edit on this was made on one of our birthdays, and I am disappointed in myself for not publishing  it because I had absolutely nothing to do that day)

Anywhoosies, I love you all!! You'd better have an absolutely completely inexplicably good day or I WILL be revoking your finger privileges

Love you all so much 💛

Sincerely, this mess