"So Rafe snuck in through the window? I'm confused." John B asked, sitting beside June in the bed, the girls head in her hands as she groaned. She tried to think of how to explain what she had done, the guilt becoming unbearable as she gathered her words.
"He came in through the window. He put his hand over my mouth and told me not to scream. I didn't . I tried-I tried to get him to leave. Fuck—"Junes lips began to tremble as she spoke again, John B noticing the action immediately, realizing that was coming. "John B I did something bad. I didn't mean to. I-God I'm a terrible person. I hate myself. JJ-"
"Hey hey...calm down.. I'm sure whatever you did isn't as bad as you think it was. Calm down." His words only made it worse, John B watching as tears gathered in her eyes, the boy reaching forward and grabbing her face in his hands. "June don't cry. It's okay. Tell me what you need."
June felt a pang of guilt in her chest, feeling terrible for asking for John Bs help. Rafe had ruined his life, framed him for murder. It was her fault that they were in this mess. She pulled her face out of his hands, a tear slipping down her cheek as she spoke.
"He kissed me. He kissed me and I deserved it. I deserved it."
"June I swear to God I'll find him and kill him right now. I'm not even joking. That's not— what do you mean you deserved it?" John B registered her words, his fists clenching at his side as he watched June cry.
"I cheated on Zach. I cheated on Zach for a year. With Rafe. It was—it was wrong but Rafe was always...he was always there to pick me up when I fell. He was always there to fall back on when I got unsure. Tonight he told me that I had everyone fooled. And it's true! I'm a piece of shit and I don't deserve shit . JJ is too good, you're too good, Sarah, Kie, Pope. You all are too good for me." June whispered, her chest feeling heavy as she sobbed. John B lifted from his seat beside her, his eyes wide as he listened to her confession. This was something he had never expected. He kneeled in front of her, his hands on her knees as he tried to get her to look him in the eye.
"June that's all in the past now." She shook her head frantically, her nose running as she sobbed into her sleeve.
"That's not true. The past repeats itself and that's what it's doing right now. God how can JJ love me? I'm awful. How does my family continue to tolerate me when all I do is treat everyone like shit?!" June crying was not a pretty sight now, John B furrowing his eyebrows as he watched her cry hysterically.
"June I've noticed this thing about you. This thing where you never feel like you're not enough, where when someone tells you they love you you don't believe it. Why can't you just accept the fact that people love you? That's JJ loves you?!"
"Because I don't deserve it John B.
I don't deserve it at all. I'm a liar and all I can ever do is lie anymroe. I've done bad things and I don't deserve JJs love, or yours, or Popes or Kies or Sarah's. I don't deserve it, I'm a bad person. I have a boyfriend who loves me so much, he told me. And I can't ant let him in because I don't deserve him and I know that. I cant let anyone in. I'm hung up on Rafe, I'm hung up on him because he's the only person who has done shitty things like me and that-thats the love I deserve. Rafe loves me when I can't love myself, Rafe loves me when I'm a piece of shit. Rafe said-"
"Fuck what Rafe said." John B said shaking his head as he listened to her.
"—no Rafe said that me and him belong together because were shitty people. And he's right. Maybe he's just right. Maybe I should put you all out of your misery of having to deal with my extra drama and just fucking leave. You have enough to worry about. Just fucking die or something."
John B started to shake his head frantically, the brunette boy grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her so that she'd come out of whatever episode she was having.
"Stop! June! You need to calm down, look. I love you a lot, you do deserve JJ. JJs a great guy but we all have our things, our problems. He's got his. You've got yours. Mistakes don't define us. Mistakes-"
"It's not a mistake when I keep doing it over and over again. It's just a habit." June said, her voice low and thick as she spoke. Her fingers ran through her hair as she waited for him to say something.n
"Rafe kissed you. That's not your fault."
"But I let him. I let him think that he could and so he did. Something about him. Something just- he grips me, he scares me and I like it. JJ makes me feel safe and he's wild and I'm happy but with Rafe I feel....I want it. I want JJ and I want him." June shook her head, her red face continuing to swell as she sniffled.
"But you can't have both. You can't. Look at me." John B reached forwards, grabbing June's face in his hands. "JJ loves you more than You'll ever be able to know. I know this because he's spent entire nights telling me about how much he loves you. He may not be serious all the time but he means well and he gets angry. You and him belong together. Hey—-you belong together."
"I want to be with him. But why aren't you understanding that he literally deserves so much more than me. A liar. Who can't get over the guy who ruined her life, who ruined your life. Rafe—he's stuck in my head and I can't stop thinking about him. I cant-"
"I know it seems like going back is easy, it's the easy way out because it's what you know. But I'm speaking from experience when I say that good things don't come easy. You need to tell JJ, you need to tell him everything and you need to see what he says. Rafe is no good, no good for you and no good for anybody."
"I don't know if I can choose John B. I don't know if I can." June cried, the brunette boy pulling her to him, his arm holding the back
of her head as she cried into his shoulder. He buried his face into her neck crying, a sigh escaping his lips as he held her closer than he ever had before.
"I believe you'll make the right decision June. You're a good girl, you know what's right and wrong. And you're strong. It'll be alright." John B said, the girl nodding into his shoulder as he spoke. June stayed in his arms, letting the comfort of them guide her as he sucked in a deep breath. She appreciated his talk and also appreciated his hug, she truly needed it.
It took awhile before John B pulled out, the boy earning forwards and pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"You ready?"
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I'm so excited for the next few chapters.
Let me know what you guys are thinking!!
