Later that night
I watched Nicki as she slept so peacefully. She was really beautiful and way too good for me. I didn't deserve her but I knew her husband didn't either. I had to protect her for saving me that day. I didn't want to die, not yet. Not while she's hurting. I'm going to give her the world and stop her pain. Maybe then I'll be proud of myself.
I was high out of mind right now. I was hot and felt like I was burning up. Before I left my place I had taken some shit that got me fucked up. Those help me calm down and forget about everything. I was really sad about a lot of shit but mostly my brother. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of his death. That'll make 2 years of me being alone in this world. He was my other half and basically my father. I hate that he left me here knowing how lost I'd be. But I can't blame him, shit happens.
I slipped from under Nicki as quietly as I could. I stumbled as I made my way to her back yard. She had a pool that was huge. I was burning up so I jumped into the pool. I had all my clothes on but at this moment it didn't matter. Tomorrow I'll probably regret it but not today.
The water was ice cold just like how I liked it. The heat immediately left my body as the cold water took over. I swam to the bottom of the 10 ft pool and sat there. I wonder how it felt to drown. Did the water consume your lungs fast or slow? Would it hurt worse than jumping off a building? I guess I was about to find out. My lungs burned as my weight held me at the bottom of the pool. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would.
"Beyoncé! Beyoncé!". I hear a familiar voice calling my name from the top of the water. They emphasized their words as if they were scared. Something clicked in my brain. Nicki. She was probably scared for me. I swam to the top gasping for air. I didn't know how much I needed that air until now. "You asshole". Her face was covered in wet mascara as she cried. Did I cause her this pain? I hurried out the pool to comfort her.
My clothes were soaked in chlorine. I hurried to her side trying to apologize. I definitely wasn't high anymore seeing her hurt like that sobered me up quick. "What's wrong?". She cried harder folding her arms. "I thought you died down there". I smiled because she was worried about me. I went in to hug her but she pushed me away. I sighed because I knew I fucked up. Her little legs ran into the house as she tried to get away from me. I rushed after her upstairs. She tried locking the door on me but I caught her.
"Please talk to me. I hate seeing you like that". I sat on the other side of the bed while she cried. I'm such a asshole. I should've never got high and none of this would've happened. I always have to screw things up. I probably should go like she said before. I bring too many problems as is. "I'll go ok. I'm sorry". I hurried from her room while my clothes stuck to my skin dripping wet.
I sat outside on her porch beating myself up. I should just leave her alone and give her some time to think or something.
5 days later
I hadn't heard from Beyoncé for far too long now. I probably hurt her feelings the other day pushing her away like that. I forget she was still a kid who was probably just as emotional as I was. She hasn't been to school either which is scaring me. Out there in the pool that night she looked like she was about to kill herself AGAIN! And she probably was crying out for help and I made her leave. Just because I was so emotional and stubborn. I had to find her. I was missing her cute ass everyday. I miss how she looked me in my eyes while talking to me. I miss how beautiful she made me feel. I just missed her.
I was entering my class for my 7th period. I wanted to call in sick since I wasn't feeling up to this today. I felt like I was zombie walking around without her. I didn't feel the same. Why does she has this effect on me?
