Avengers one-shots!

Punch, punch, punch

(Post-Avengers, Pre- T:DW, Pre- CA:TWS. There's a bit of depressing and suicidal thoughts so read at your own risk! A ship [i won't say what] is mentioned)

NATASHA'S POV:

Punch, punch, punch.

I'm mad.

Punch, punch, punch.

I'm disappointed.

Punch, punch, punch.

I'm weak.

Punch, punch, punch.

Weak, you don't belong anywhere. Weak, you don't belong anywhere. I chant in my head, over, and over again.

"Natasha?" Bruce asks.

"What?" I snap, concentrating on the punching bag. Punch, punch, punch.

"Natasha, can you calm down?" Clint asks.

"I'm perfectly calm Clint."

"No, you're not, Nat."

Ignore him. Punch, punch, punch. He doesn't know anything. He knows nothing about me. They both come to both sides of me, they'll go away eventually.

"Natasha." Bruce says firmly, putting a hand on my arm. I attempt to shrug it off but he keeps it placed there. "Natasha, can you just look at your hands?"

As soon as he mentions my hands I do start to notice a fair bit of pain in them. The hand wraps I'm wearing are soaked with blood, and I find it hard to uncurl my fist. "Oh." I say quietly.

"You pushed yourself too hard." Clint says, leading me to one of the seats pushed up against the wall. Bruce pulls out a first aid kit from god knows where, and carefully unwraps the bandages from my hands. I wince as he accidentally brushes my knuckles and slowly Clint speaks up. "Natasha, I've never seen you like this before. Would you mind telling us what's on your mind?" He asks and smirks, but it disappears so quickly, I'm not even sure if he smiled or not. "And don't tell me that you're fine because you're not. I've known you for years and I've not once seen you push yourself so hard that you don't even notice you're bleeding."

"I don't know." I admit. "I just know that I was pissed off at my life and it's better to take my anger out on a punching bag than it is to take it out on someone."

"Yeah, but you need to pay attention to yourself sometimes."

"Why do you you care?" I laugh-sob. "Why do you care about me so much?"

"Be- because you're our friend." Bruce says. "And a teammate and we don't like seeing you hurt."

"But why?" I push. "Why am I your friend? Why have you stuck with me for so long?" They're silent, and know they're thinking about why they're even here. "I knew it. Everyone pushes me away eventually. I don't fit in anywhere because I shouldn't even be alive." I push them off of me and storm towards the door.

"You did not just say that." Clint deadpans, still standing there in shock. Bruce however, puts his hand on my shoulder and I spin around.

"What do you want this time?" I demand.

"I don't know why it's so hard for you to understand! You're our friend and we love you, and yet you're still treating us like strangers. We try to get close to you, and you don't make it easy for us. We just want to help you!" He yells.

"I don't want help. You're right. I don't make it easy for you to get close to me. And that's because everyone close to me ends up dead."

"Well, maybe you can try again!" Clint snaps.

"I have tried again. I've let people in, only for them to leave me. I don't want to lose someone for the 4th time." I try to push past Clint but he holds himself.

"Tell me."

I laugh-sob again, "Okay, the first time, I wasn't very old. Six or seven I think. Her name was Zasha. We had become friends, well, not friends, but the closest I could have. I shared some of my food with her sometimes and vice versa too. Then, one month, where we ruled out the weakest of the trainees, which meant two girls were paired against each other and told to fight to the death. Lucky us, we were the ones fighting that time. We we told to kill. So we did. I did. I couldn't have protested either because people are a weakness. We both knew I was stronger, but I couldn't have gone easy on her. They would have killed both of us. I figured that it would be better for one of us to die than both of us. Well, I think you can figure out who won that fight."

"The next time I was a teenager. One of my trainers, well, we grew close. Really close. Relationships were forbidden of course, but that didn't stop us. I was their top student and he was he was their soldier. We were able to hide the relationship for a while. They sent us on missions, we would go kill for them. We grew even closer and one time we betrayed direct order and told them we needed a couple more days, and that the mission was a bit harder than we thought it was going to be. They let us, but when we got back, they went through our memories. His memories mostly. I bet you can see what they saw what we'd been doing. I remember screaming for him, and they wiped that mission from my mind, and the next thing I can remember I was in Cairo. Alone." Tears started running down my face but I kept my voice stable.

"The next time was a few years later. I was seventeen. They sent us on a mission again. A huge mistake on their part, but they thought because they'd wiped all memories of me, we were safe. Well, like I said, a mistake. He started remembering bits of it. We went rouge. We were on the run for a while, doing whatever we wanted to do, and eventually, he proposed. It wasn't like we were ever going to actually get married legally, but it was more of the sentiment that really mattered. We were happy for a bit, but all good times have to come to an end. They had so many agents on our asses, and it wasn't just Hydra and the Red Room." I looked over at Clint, "We had SHIELD after us. Hydra cough up with us, and gave himself up for me. I don't know what happened to James. Probably dead. After he gave himself up, I was alone for a couple more months. Until SHIELD caught me. You know what happened."

"Yeah." He breathes out.

"Whenever anyone asks about my relationships, or my past, I remember everything all over again. It would have been better for me if I had just learned my lesson as a child. 'Love is for children'. Right after I lost Zasha, I should've just stopped there. But I didn't. I learned my lesson the hard way." I look down at my feet and a random quote comes to my mind.

"Life is pain and anyone who says differently is selling something." I look up and they both snicker.

"You seriously did not just quote The Princess Bride." Bruce says and smile. "You do not strike me as someone who would read that."

"Tasha, if you don't want us around, that's fine, but if you ever need anyone, I'm here." Clint offers and I smile.

"Yeah me too." Bruce agrees.

"It's good to finally tell someone."

"Wait, you've never told anyone that?" Clint asks incredulously.

"No." I say. Bruce pulls me into a hug and Clint joins in. "This is the first time in very long time I've ever felt wanted." I whisper.
—x—x—x—x—

Listen to Control by Halsey. I think it kinda goes with this chapter.

❤️❤️❤️
Chloe