Elia (EDITING)

Chapter 73

Elia.

If it didn't happen the time it did, it would have eventually happened anyways. I don't know where or when or who even had to lie to me that I can own something. I should have learnt it nine years ago when my dad died, or a few months ago when mom died too. Nothing was meant for me. But this stupid brain of mine won't let it process.

Maybe its all the time he always scolded me when ever I looked down myself. Or perhaps when he whispered he loved me and told me he's never leave. When we made love and I thought it will happen for the rest of my life. Maybe that is when I corrupted my soul and my heart. It is when I had to live a lie. It is when I started to believe I can date someone and fall in love and live a fairly tale story. Unfortunately, fairy tales are a base of cartoon and children books, even writers of today know it will never be like Romeo and Juliet.

I guess at the beginning I could see it was an illusion. The way it just happened, today haters, tomorrow friends, the next boyfriends. That should have warned me. It should have prevented all his pain and sorrow inside of me.

If it wasn't Nathaniel, it would have easily transformed into something less than this, less that a heartbreak. I wouldn't be struggling like this, I would be in the cafeteria perhaps sitting with the other gays and not even worrying if I can handle the next day. Unfortunately, I had to aim one of the famous guys at school. Didn't I learn that a long time ago? Unfortunately, not.

Maybe if Xander and I became a thing, this wouldn't have happened. One, I wouldn't have fallen for him as much as I did on Nathaniel and two, we will both be some beneficial friends and never boyfriends. When I was taught to aim for the greatest, I guess this is not what they meant. You can't sleep a beggar and wake up a pilot. Not in a million years!

That is the reason why I am back to be the real me, the me I was meant to be. The loony biny Elia Clinton. The guy who sits alone in his car during break eating the lunch his g-ma made for him out of sorrow.

I click my tongue, deciding it's enough. I should stop analyzing things too much. It will not help but hurt me more.

But my eyes accidentally land on his car, and floods of memories wash away the thoughts to go back to class.

It has only been two weeks and it is now impossible to imagine how Nathaniel's lips feel like on my lips. I don't even remember how his huge hands feel like on mine. It is impossible to think that I would share the same bed and shower with him. It's like it never happened, it's like it was a long dream I had, a dream that we kissed, touched, had sex, talked, laughed and act as goofy as any teen could be.

What hurts the most, is when I switch my phone. The photo back in Italy pops out. The trip that made us possible. The trip we had our first kiss, the trip that confirmed he had feeling for me too. It is just too impossible to remember I felt when his lips met mine. It's like it never happened.

And when I think of the road trip, my heart swells. Looking at it now it wasn't realistic. Who would go on a trip to some expensive resort with a lover. It sounds too much looking at it now!

How did lower my guard? When did I?

I sigh- now I mean it, this is enough! Enough of this!

***

Nathaniel made sure he would never have to see me ever again. He made sure I will never be involved I his life the way I once did. He must have told Leo he couldn't work with me anymore. I  now take Tuesdays, Thursdays and a quarter of Saturday with Sean. I have no idea which days he takes. I wouldn't be even be surprised to learn he no longer words here. I just wish we-

"Hey." I mentally slap myself to bring me back to this place. Veronica is looking at me as if she had been standing there for long. She has the same package as always, bandages, disinfectants and pain killers.

"Hie- sorry- I... um... that'll be $10.99."

"Here." I take time to study her. Her hair is in a tight bun and I believe I saw her at school wearing the same outfit.

"Here." I push the plastic to her. She faintly smiles.

"I hope I'm not being nosey, but- I- I'm sorry about you and Nate." My stings and I make sure not to show it on my face. "You might not know it but you kind of helped me last time... so- would you like to go get coffee down the road?"

"I'm sorry I'm working."

"Oh- sure. Uh- I'll see you later..." he face turns pink as she collects her things.

The moment she steps out, my act on impulse. "Hey Sean, can I go out for a few minutes?"

"Yeah sure, have all the time you need."

I run outside. Veronica is about to climb her bike when I call her.

"Changed your time already"

I smile, and I nod.

***

"Is it true Nathaniel cheated on you with you sister?" I scoff leaning on the walls. We are currently having Tomy's coffee, sitting outside on the ground and leaning on the walls.

"I don't have a sister."

"So which rumor is true?" she asks. I shrug.

"I haven't heard all of them."

"There is the sister cheating, the Sage cheating, the Nathaniel and Julia- and the one that he was going through a gay phase." The last one actually sticks in my heart. Maybe that is what what happened?

Dan Dan Daaaaaaaannnnn.