STARDUST -RDJ ONE SHOTS BOOK TWO

Pain - Tony x reader

///REQUESTED////
warnings: self harm, depression, mention of death, cutting!

Having to deal with depression and anxiety wasn't as easy as everyone said. Some people made it a trend, to have other people's compassion, but none of them knew how bad it actually was. How painful your own thoughts could be, how you struggled every day to keep a fake smile on your face and how it was to deal with it.

You had gone trough a lot in your life, you lost your family and friends, all your loved ones, those were the reasons of your mental illness.

Yet, even in the most gloomiest and hardest days, someone managed to put a smile on your face.

Tony.

You knew each other since you were kids, and if there was anyone who knew you, it was him. Hell, he knew you better than you knew yourself.

You and him bonded over many things, but after some talks and bad experiences, you and him started offering each other consolation; talking, understanding and giving each other advice on how to deal with the pain.

He managed somehow to always make you laugh, smile and feel better. His sarcastic remarks and funny comments, how he'd always crack a joke when he saw you weren't feeling good.

And after some time, you knew you fell for the genius. Hard.

It was hard not to, anyway, he was handsome, charming, understanding, polite and very smart and you would lie if you said that didn't attracted you.

And you knew deep down that he liked you as well, the glances you two sometimes shared, the loving looks he gave you when you weren't looking, how he always was softer with you.

And you two became a couple. And you two couldn't be happier together. You helped each other so much with whatever you went trough, your peaceful and quiet moments and the nights that you spent tougher.

The only problem was the fear that creeped up inside your chest, the anxious feelings you had about your relationship, constant thoughts that he'd cheat on you, or worse.

You knew he wouldn't do something like that, but your mind killed you and your own thoughts made you paranoid somehow.

Especially when he left for a mission. What if he never came back? What if he got hurt or worse? You were worried sick for him and you worried so much that you got lost in your own mind, spacing out and thinking the worse.

And that happened again when he left for the last mission. He said it was an easy one, and that he'd be back home as fast as he could, but again you couldn't stop worrying.

You were alone at home, waiting for Tony to come back and praying that he was alright. He didn't answer your calls and Jarvis didn't respond either. It was hell. Your worst nightmare came to life and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

During your darkest thoughts, you went back to old habits, cutting. It never even solved anything, but somehow it soothed your pain. Alone in the bathroom, where no one saw you or heard your cries, and no one had to come in and begin bombarding you with questions.

It was late at night when Tony came back home, he was tired, a few bruises here and there but overall fine and safe. He immediately rushed out of the jet and into the house as he began searching for you.

"Y/N? I'm home!" He shouted through the house and took off his jacket, but as soon as he didn't receive any answer, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Y/N? Where are you sweetheart?" He shouted again and began looking for you everywhere, and suddenly something popped in his mind, and he realized what was going on.