Embracing your Demons (Completed)

Chapter 37😢😢

Making my way into the cemetery I took 3 heavy breaths before moving towards the W section. I took small steps whilst looking for his gravestone not knowing what I will say. I had never been to his burial place and the man was like a second father to us. I spotted his name and surname than cautiously moved towards it. I finally reached it and I went and ran my fingers across his initials tears building up. I sat down by its feet trying to figure out what I wanted to say. As I played with the letter in my hand I decided to open it while my brain was trying to get the right words. I read the first line and closed the letter not really sure if I had the energy to read it. Our Sunday school teacher wanted us to write a letter where we explained how we wanted our life in heaven to be. I know pretty weird but okay. I looked back at his stone and suddenly the words came rushing out along with the tears.
"I'm so so very sorry, I know sorry won't fix it but I want you to know that I'm sincerely sorry. You were always nothing but great towards me, I remembered how you would always take us for ice cream after school or how you would switch up the music really loud and sang along with us. You were like a second father to us and I loved you very much because you always helped take care of us even when it wasn't your job. You deserve to be here with your family celebrating your birthday John I'm so very bloody sorry. I messed up and ruined your life along with your family's and I will never be able to forgive myself. If I could I swear to God that I would give my life for yours any single day. Y-You always told me when you saw me cry because of the kids at school to never let them get me down, to continue smiling even if the whole world is against me but I can't anymore. I can't pretend that I'm innocent because I'm not because I'm the reason you're death and I will join you today and will to anything to get you to forgive me. I'm sorry and I honestly you are in a better place because you were a good man and deserve nothing less. " I wiped away the tears and took a deep breath before releasing it than I stood up and ran my fingers one last time across his name than I left for their graves.
Reaching their graves I took a seat at my mother's grave and took off my backpack and placed it infront of me I took out the gun and laid it infront of me. I looked at my mother's stone and bit my lip.
"I-I never des-deserved to be your daughter." I said wiping the tears away before deciding to just leave it. My eyes were already burning so what was the use of wiping it away.
"I remembered one time I came from school heartbroken just wanting to talk to my mother and tell her how I felt and I found you dancing along to Whitney Houston and I stalked you from behind the door. You looked so happy that I didn't want to ruin it so I went up to my room and hit in the closet and just cried. I couldn't talk to Dré because he was at soccer practice so I just cried because of the kids at school. A while later you came into my room calling me and I couldn't answer you but you hurt me and came to the closet and opened it immediately pulling me in for a hug. You asked what was wrong and I told you about the kids at school and how mean they were. You asked me why I didn't tell you when I came home and I told you I didn't want to ruin your good mood. I remember you saying to me that it doesn't matter in what mood you are you'll always be there for us and that you could feel when we were sad. You than told me that sometimes people hate on others because they are jealous and they say mean things because it makes them feel better and that I should always ignore them because they will always lie to you because they want to see you broken. You told me that I should continue being the girl I am and I should never cave under pressure because that is what they want because they want to see you broken and they don't deserve to see me at my worse when they don't appreciate me at my best. I took that advice to heart mom but now I can't anymore because they are speaking the truth and it's true what they say the truth hurts. It hurts so bad mom that I can't deal anymore. It's because I know what I am that it gets to me. You know mom sometimes when life knocks you down you should really just stay down. I miss you so much that it hurts when I think about you guys. I miss your laugh, your smile, your love but most of all mommy I miss seeing you and hugging you but that's gonna change mom cause I'm coming to you very soon I promise. " Right now tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall and I couldn't help but think that I deserve this.
I turned to the grave I knew was going to be the end of me. The grave that will cause my tears to fall like rain on a very bad thunderstorm day. I looked at his name and my breathing stopped for a while.
"Dré." and with that one word I broke and I couldn't talk anymore and even found it hard to breathe. After a long while I opened my mouth and took a deep breath and released it.
"You meant and mean more to me than any person in this world. You didn't deserve to have me as your sister cause I ruined your life. You used to call me your queen I swear to God I didn't deserve that from you and now I know why those kids at school always said I would ruin you, that I would just bring you bad luck. When I would bring this up you always knew what to say so I could believe in myself. You helped me so much and loved me so much and at the end of the day your love for me caused you to die. Dré I miss you ,I miss seeing you, I miss hearing you call me your queen, your one minute miracle, your sister and your bloody best friend. I remember after you guys past I kept on thinking you were going to come back and stay with me but you didn't. I'm jealous Dré,  I'm jealous of all these people that pass away because they are closer to you than I will ever be. I miss your how you would look at me when someone says something wrong and we would burst out laughing. I miss having someone to talk to, someone who doesn't need me to tell me them anything  and knows how I'm feeling. I just miss having you around because you were and will always be my biggest source of happiness. You own a big part of my heart and no one will ever replace it I promise you Dré. I want to see you again and just hug you because you were always the only one who could give the best hugs out there. I miss you so much. I love you forever and always Dré. I will see you soon my hero." I wiped away the tears and kissed his stone and pulled my legs up and pressed my head in my legs to stop the crying. I kept the gun and letter in my hand tightly.
Looking up into the sky I smiled up and whispered softly.
"I'm coming guys. I'm coming soon very soon. I promise you. "

Chapter 37 up and about. Hope you enjoy it my fellow people's. This was a very sad chapter to write but the next one might even be a little more sadder. If you like this chapter please vote for it. Thanks.