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by jkharrystyles

by jkharrystyles

Eve POV

Sitting in the hospital room is depressing.

I always hated hospitals. They're big, scary, and full of death.

Good thing is that I didn't lose the baby. The "pee" I felt was amniotic fluid which my body let out too much. I'm told having a little is fine, but the amount that I had wasn't good for the baby and could've possible lead to me having a miscarriage. They're keeping me over night just in case something else happens.

Harry and I haven't spoken since the car ride. Thinking about it makes me feel sick. I know I haven't been eating enough, but I was trying to eat more, in my own way. I wasn't going to have the toast but I decided on it because I needed to eat more.

"You don't have to stay here with me," I say to Harry in a timid voice. I don't look at him, I just stare forward and fidget with my fingers.

"Do you want me to go?" He asks. I look to Harry who's looking at me. His green eyes look glossy and worried.

"I don't really deserve to have anyone with me, so it's up to you," My voice is low. I look away from his stare and look forward again. The more I look at him the more guilt I feel for how I've been acting these past weeks.

"I was too harsh on you," He says. "I didn't have to yell or act like a douche,"

"I deserved to be yelled at though," I say in a mumble. My eyes look down to my fidgeting fingers. "I don't know what to do anymore,"

"What do you mean?" Harry asks. His voice questioning.

"I can't take care of a baby," I say. "I mean, look where we are," My eyes pinch. "I'm supposed to be worrying about myself and the baby and I haven't even been doing that,"

His hand rests on my lap. "You're just a little off since Doug died, which is fine. But I can't say that you practically starving yourself is good," My glossy eyes look to Harry. "We'll get through this okay?" I bite my lip and look into his eyes. "Do you not want the baby anymore?"

"I don't know what I want," I say. "What if I can't even take care of him or her when it's alive?" I ask.

"I know you will be the best Mom, Eve," He says while stroking my fingers. "And I have no doubt that you will love this baby. But, you just need to work on getting better and eating more, okay? That's the biggest priority,"

"I'm sorry for being a shitty person," I say to Harry. His eyes soften at me.

"You're not a shitty person,"

"Yes I am," I mumble. Harry sits next to me on my hospital bed and he kisses my cheek. "I feel like complete shit Harry," Tears start to run down my cheeks.

His arms wrap around me and I cry into his chest. His fingers run through my hair and his lips kiss my forehead. "It's my fault that we're here Eve, don't feel like shit,"

"No it's not," I mumble against his chest.

"If I didn't yell at you we wouldn't be here," He says. He keeps silent for a moment then speaks again. "I'm sorry for raising my voice at you, Eve. I wasn't yelling out of anger I-I was just nervous about you and the baby because I don't want to lose either of you. I'm sorry I did this to you," His grip on me is tight and protective. "I hope you aren't scared of me because I would never purposely raise my voice at you. I was scared."

"I know," I murmur. "I'm sorry for making you scared,"

"I love you so much Eve. Please start taking care of yourself," I nod against his chest and nuzzle my face into him more.

"I love you too Harry," I say back to him.

Sometimes I feel like it would be easier if I just disappeared somewhere, you know? I just feel like I'm a burden to everyone in my life. I'm making Harry worry and be scared, which I shouldn't be making him.

I think back to John who used to hit me for complaining about things or hit me for how I was acting earlier tonight. He said I deserved it, and I've grown to believe him.

Maybe that's why I'm not mad at Harry for yelling at me. I knew eventually he'll get bothered by me and think I'm annoying. I screw my eyes shut and try to force myself to sleep. My thoughts are getting me sick and annoyed with myself.

I'm just tired of all of this.

A://N

uh idk what else to say besides it gets better ???

i felt like being kind and updating again

+ pls try to understand Eve +

comment goal: 50? that would be cool

~lauren