What He Wanted (Book#1 of The Runaway Club)

Chapter 35: Dead Weights and The Deserving

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~Adam's POV~

Hope.

Such a passionate word, so full of promises of future.

Hope.

Such a poisonous word.

It takes you to the top of the world, show you the glimmering fantasies of an enchanting tomorrow that is a reach away from your grasp, make you dream and then bring you crashing down to the cold concrete below.

I had hoped.

Hoped of a life where I would be able to live without having to carry the dead weight of my past. Where I wouldn't have to guard my trust with everyone. I had hoped of my wounds being healed. Most of all I had hoped of a day when I would be able to love someone with an open heart.

Love.

If hope was poison, love was like cancer.

It starts off without your knowledge or consent, it stems throughout your body and by the time you realize it, it would have had you by its deadly claws without an escape. An illness that will haunt you till your death.

Yes, I had loved her.

I had loved Ria. And I had only realized how much when I sat alone in darkness of my cold bedroom, with a bottle of whisky to give me company along with my depressing thoughts. I couldn't help but miss the way she would laugh, her sonorous yet melodious voice ringing in my penthouse every time I said something outrageous. I missed the way she would smile at me, they way her striking emerald eyes swam with mischief and humor. I missed the way she would raise her eyebrows and her fists on her hips when she catch me working too much. I missed the way she would snuggle her small and soft frame to mine and surrounding me with her sweet vanilla smell that I had come to love.

I took a deep breath and tried to imagine that the smell of leather was her enticing scent.

With Chloe, my feelings never ran this deep despite how little time Ria and I have been together. I had grown to love Ria in simply eight months more than I had ever did in three years with Chloe. Now that I think back, what I had was simply a problem of feeing rejected by one person I had actually cared for. After Ria, I had come to realize that I was simply infatuated with Chloe.

If what Chloe and I had were an atomic bomb, what I had with Ria would sure pass for a supernova.

That would be the reason why it hurt more than anything in the world this time. When I discovered Chloe's infidelity, I had felt the need to overcome sadness and hence the whole non-trust-policy. But when I found Ria with Aaron, I lost the very reason to live. I would care less if I died now, it was not worse than looking at all the things that reminded me of her.

I tried to focus my cloudy, bloodshot eyes on the road as I ran my fingers through my matted hair which haven't seen comb in days.

I had become an emotionless b*stard after Chloe, but I became like one of the zombies in the series Ria used to watch, what was that? ----Ah, yes. The Walking dead. Excellent terminology, it would describe me adequately.

I pulled my brand new matte black Lamborghini to stop at the luxurious drive through of the mansion. I briskly stepped out of my sports car that I had brought when I realized that I cannot drive in my Ferrari without having to think about how Ria had loved to ride it.

I threw the shiny new keys right in the face of the new valet guy and strode into the mansion without a second's delay. It was just as I had remembered it last time; the only difference was that I had a raven haired siren in my arms as my impromptu girlfriend then.