Finding the Right Words

Chapter 96- Very Special Dumplings

The plane ride from Seoul to Beijing was absurdly quiet, considering that it was Yesung's first flight with the group since he'd returned in May. He wouldn't be joining the concert, but it had been decided that he would practice with the group while they were on tour, so he could join when he was ready.

For now, though, it was quiet on the plane for most of the way. We were all tired. Many of the guys fell asleep within the first half hour of the flight, to include Yesung. That's what happens with exhausting schedules. When finally you have a few hours where not only do you have the opportunity to not do anything, but actually can't do anything... you sleep. 

But for me, although I felt tired, I couldn't sleep. Jung Ah, in the seat next to me, was resting with her head on a pillow against the back of the chair, fast asleep. But me- I was awake, staring at a blank page in my notebook. I felt like my creative spirit was there, wanting to say something, but I just couldn't understand what it was trying to say, like it was speaking in some foreign language. 

I wondered what I was thinking about. Going home? Going somewhere I'd never been before? No. Of course not. That's too selfless. Of course, I was thinking about my delusions of love. No, not for now. I needed to forget about that. I needed to think about myself. My career. The tour- it was all business. After all, why did I ever think it would work, anyway? They were too old for me. All of them. I needed to let go. Find someone my own age. I needed to focus. Focus. Forget it all. It's just in my way.

I set the pen down on the paper, then carefully scrawled the word in slow lines of Hangeul onto the page. "Focus ".

"What is this nightmare

that distracts my thoughts in the waking world?

Push it from my thoughts,

push it from my life.

It's in my way.

It's distracting me from my goals.

I need to... I need to...

forget that part of myself.

Focus.

Once upon a time

that part of me

was my favorite part of myself.

but now she's in the way.

In my own way-

go away.

I don't need it anymore.

There's no use for love.

It's not important.

Maybe sometime in the future,

when you find a way to sort out your own life.

Keeping my eyes straight forward,

I ignore the past and watch the steps I take in the present,

looking towards the future.

Everything else is just white noise-

Focus.

Once upon a time,

that part of me

was my favorite part of myself.

But now she's in my way.

In my own way-

go away.

I don't need her anymore.

Focus, focus

Love is not important