Finding the Right Words

Part Two; Under the Starlight: Chapter 82- Loneliness is A Weakness

I dropped the last of my bags in the doorway, finally taking my shoes off to enter the new dorm.

It wasn't the biggest of places, at least not as nice as the SuJu dorm, but it was better than the one-room, one-bathroom dorm that Min Hee and I had shared. This one had a central living room, a bathroom, and-- thank heaven-- an actual kitchen. You have no idea how amazing it is to have your own real stove, oven, and cupboards until you have nothing to cook on but a hot plate for a year and a half. 

I wandered into the bedroom, sitting on the bed and sliding my purse off of my shoulder as I looked around it. About the same size as the bedroom I had shared with my sister back in Wisconsin. But that had been a big room, and this one had housed five teenage boys. I felt bad for SHINee, all sharing this one room. But then again, that was shortly-after-debut life. SM especially. 

The room actually had a closet, unlike our old dorm. I could hang up my mass collection of clothes, finally. I wriggled on the bed, feeling the mattress. It was fluffier than my previous one-- it looked like the mattress had been replaced recently. I guess they didn't want me to immerse myself in whatever had happened in that bed before I'd received the dorm. It was wider than my old one, too, so I was less likely to roll off of it in the middle of the night, like Min Hee had that one time. 

It was nice, really. An amazing home for a single woman living in Seoul to have, actually. Normally, something like this would be extremely difficult to come by. Still, I couldn't get over how profoundly empty it was. Everything was wiped clean. The walls were newly whitewashed, and the floors bare. The bed was the only furniture in the whole place, and all of the surfaces stripped down to their most basic forms. 

Even more disturbing was the silence. My old dorm had such terrible sound resistance that I had been able to tell whenever a member of EXO had been clipping his toenails. No, I'm not kidding. It was the weirdest thing ever. 

I'd never actually lived by myself. Back in Wisconsin, I had shared a room with my sister, and then when she'd moved out, I'd let Patrick come into my room whenever he'd liked. When I came to SM, I shared the dorm with Min Hee, along with all of the duties of living alone. But now I was alone. All by myself. 

It felt extremely weird to me. Eerie, even. The silence was screaming at me.

I opened my laptop and plugged in my speakers, so music washed over the dorm. Still, it was really strange. I needed... I needed to fix this place up. Make it mine.

I spent the next several hours putting up my personal paraphernalia. My Super Junior fanarts, all in the correct order from left to right, then my posters, and all of my pictures with FASE, John, and Min Hee. I layered my sheets and blankets onto my bed, filled my closet and dresser with clothes, covering the top of it with my skin care products, makeup, and nail polish. I filled the cupboards and refrigerator with my food, then making myself some ramen. I sat down to eat it, looking at my work.

It still felt empty. Okay, okay, I admit it. I was lonely. It'd only been a few days since Min Hee had left, and I already missed her like crazy.

"Is there a payment plan for this couch?" I asked the saleswoman, pointing to a decent plush couch of about 500,000 Won.

"Yes, Miss. We have several plans."

"Yes, will the ten percent a month plan be available?"

"Yes, Miss."

"When can you deliver it?"

"It should arrive within the week."

I left the furniture store with the promise of a more decorated apartment.