Finding the Right Words

Chapter 89- Just for Being You

I woke up to find myself in a hospital bed, a concerned, but very familiar face floating above me.

"Min... Hee?" I croaked, wincing at the harsh sound of my own voice.

"M-hmm." She handed me a glass of water, which I gladly took to drink.

When my parched throat had been soaked, I asked, "Why... why are you here?"

She scowled down at me. "I received a phone call at about one o'clock this morning saying that you'd fainted. Really, Mel, I'm gone for what, two months, and you're already in the hospital? Can't take care of yourself, can you?"

"I've been doing just fine," I countered. "I was just..." I trailed off, not really knowing how to respond.

Min Hee sighed. "You fainted because of exhaustion. Awake for over an entire day, deprived of food... You quite literally fainted on Eunhyuk-sunbae, and he carried you to the car that you and Jung Ah were using. Then she drove you here. At least, that's what Eunhyuk-sunbae told me."

I colored at the thought of fainting on Eunhyuk. Oh well. It was better than giving him a black eye."But then... why are you here instead of him?"

Min Hee's eyes were cooler than I remembered. It hadn't been that long, had it? "He called asking if I could please come and try to talk some sense ito you, since apparently you weren't listening to him." Her lips twitched, as if she were almost going to smile. "It's funny, really. From what I remember, it was always me asking them to talk some sense into you, because you would always listen to them more than me. It seems strange to me."

I looked down at my hands, realizing that they were shaking. I must've been hungry. I swallowed and opened my mouth, but Min Hee cut me off. "So spill it. What in the world were you thinking? From what I remember, you'd never starve yourself because you loved food too much. The Melissa I remember came to SM to change it. She wouldn't have stood for letting them work her until she collapsed. So what stupid thing were you thinking?"

I swallowed again, still staring at my shaking hands. "I didn't know how to handle it. The pressure. Suddenly, people were recognizing me on the sreets. People online were telling me that they wanted to be just like me. As an actress it wasn't so bad, but then suddenly I was going to be an idol. A singer. I wanted to make myself the best I could. Pretty, strong, thin... I was being really stupid, wasn't I?"

Min Hee's lips twitched again. "A complete moron. You can't go rejecting your own values just because you get a little bit of pressure put on you. How do you think the ELF would react if they found out how much you were worrying Eunhyuk-sunbae?"

My eyes widened as my mind conjured images of thousands of hands beating down my door and carrying me out of my bed in the middle of the night. I shuddered, even more than my hands were already shaking. "You have a point there."

Min Hee leaned back, crossing her arms. "That said, now what was the real reason you didn't eat your dinner on set?"

"...it was kimchi radish stew. And not that well-made, either. I took one bite and wanted to throw up," I admitted. 

Min Hee started laughing, and pretty soon we were both laughing, By the time we had recovered ourselves, I had salt stains down my cheeks, and my stomach hurt. 

Min Hee shook her head, still chuckling a little. "Now that's the Mel I know. So do you plan on telling me why you couldn't tell these things to your sunbae?"

I bit my lip, then quickly remembered not to do that. "It's starting to wear off. The fangirl emotions, that is. I still love them, but...  not the way I thought I did. Everything's all mixed up. Now, suddenly, we're at the same level. I have this fierce urge not to let them down. I don't know why. I just have to."