Finding the Right Words

Chapter 93- If I Can't Respect Myself

"I look like a whore, not a witch," I complained, tugging on the hem of my dress. It was short enough to let my garters peek out from underneath the skirt, and made of a material that felt, for all the world, like actual velvet. 

"Are you certain that you know what a whore is?" Jung Ah asked.

"Either a whore or a slut, I still feel like it's a shortcut to my underwear."

Jung Ah frowned. "Must you complain about everything?"

"Not everything. I haven't complained about the concept of the video- it fits the song. I didn't complain about the choice of song to use for my introduction to the United States- It already had lots of English lines, so it was easy to translate, and it had a pop/rock-like beat that would be familiar to the American audience. I haven't complained about the increased harshness of my schedule as i prepare for this comeback. I haven't complained about the diet I've been put on, as much as you know I hate diets. But I don't want to come back to my home country and have people see every artist that comes from South Korea as a slut. That's what everything in America is. Girls not wearing very much clothing. I never understood that. Where I'm from, you cover yourself as much as possible. It's too cold to wear short skirts. I just don't want to wear things that don't even show who I am as a person."

Jung Ah gave me a really long look, and then she sighed. "Alright, go change into the longer one. Then come back out here so we can do your hair and makeup."

I smiled, happy that she'd conceded. But as I turned around, she called out after me.

"Minsung, you have a lot of pride. Do you know that?"

"I know."

"Are you sure you don't want to make the sacrifice?"

"If I get fans in America, I want them to be fans for the same reasons that I was a fan of SuJu. I want them to be fans because they like my music, and they respect me. If I can't respect myself, then how can I earn theirs?"

Jung Ah smiled a little, and then waved me into the changing room.

I have to say, after hair and makeup was done, I still looked freakishly awesome. The dress was tight to the curves of my chest and hips, and had a long split down the side, but I actually liked that. I don't know why. My hair was parted to the side, falling to the left of my face in a curtain of blonde curls, while my eyeliner was thick, dark, and yet oddly cool-looking, and I wore a dark purple lip color that made my already full lips look even larger.

I took the bottle of water that Jung Ah held out to me, and then the fan that someone else was holding out. I drank out of the water bottle with one hand, fanning myself with the other.

"Hurry up, Minsung! You have to move on to the next costume!" Jung Ah urged. The cool thing about the concept of the music video was that I got to dress up as "black magicians" from different cultures. And look pretty freaking beautiful while I did it. But most of that was makeup.

"My hair's going to be a wreck by the end of this," I muttered, then went to go change on her insistence.

One costume was that of a Japanese spirit-conjuror, so I got to wear a simplified black and purple kimono and a black wig. It looked weird to me. And, of course, I just had to take about a thousand selcas.

Then there was the Korean shamaness, which was harder to put into a somewhat seductive costume, and then Slavic, and South American... I guess the idea was "no matter you go, you can't escape my spell". I thought it was pretty cool, at least.

I finally left the set, once again feeling exhausted, but I'd taken a nap while they were changing sets, and had been snacking on dried apple slices all throughout the filming, in addition to bringing a supper of rice and grilled fish.