Hard Boy ✔️

40

- Long Way Down; One Direction -
- r u ok; Tate McRae -

Aurora Holland

"You look like you haven't been sleeping," Katherine commented as she sat down next to me in homeroom. I just looked at her, my heart hurting from the comment.

She was right. I'd slept a total of three hours last night and around the same the night before. I just can't sleep. Even with my cartoons on in the background - nothing but nightmares.

Carter still hasn't talked much. He'll sit next to me in the classes we usually do, but other than that I'm lucky if I get a smile. If I wasn't overthinking before, I am now.

For what felt like the perfect first date to ever happen, I'm really feeling like I fucked something up.

Not to mention, now that the all-known Carter Jackson hasn't been seen around me much, and Logan's still hanging out with Paige - who I'm actively avoiding - James Hanneman has decided that means I'm all open to fuck with again.

"She's probably too busy fucking half of the school," James commented as if he heard me thinking about him.

I didn't say anything the way I usually would, and instead just looked down at the unfinished homework on my desk.

"Why don't you shut the fuck up, Hanneman? We didn't ask," Katherine snapped anyways. I ignored the blossoming argument between the two, and instead just yanked my earbuds from the front pocket of my backpack.

I didn't feel like talking. Nothing against Katherine, and everything against James. I just have no energy.

Call me stupid for feeling so down because Carter's avoiding me - I can't help it. I was opening up to him, and I opened up to him about a lot of dark shit. I told him things I've never told anyone, not even Paige. Things I'd never think about telling anyone at all. Sure, Katherine knows a lot to an extent, but even then I don't push my problems on her the way I want to.

Everyone I open up to and trust completely hurts me.

God, I'm such a baby. Thinking these things - Carter hasn't even fully left yet. Not to mention, there was nothing between us. We weren't official, we didn't even kiss or tell each other we liked each other. We didn't do any of that mushy stuff, I have no reason to be this destroyed.

Katherine noticed the way I turned my music up loud enough to not hear anyone, but instead of bothering me anymore about it she just turned further in her seat.

To make matters worse - I had PE next class. This meant not only did I have class with James, but Carter as well.

My mind's jumbled, and I can't seem to focus on anything but Carter. Despite the fact that we haven't really talked at all he still takes my mind up completely. I keep going over our date, wondering what it was. Was it because I painted him? What was it that drove him away so quickly?

I twirled the ring around my index finger, staring off into space as my music flowed through my ears. Despite it being loud enough to where I couldn't hear anyone, I wasn't listening. I couldn't even name the song or the artist blaring through my ears, my thoughts clouded with the fluffy-haired boy.

I'm such a fucking idiot, that's for sure.

Despite my music being loud, I was able to hear the bell when it went off. I threw everything into my backpack without care and shot up from the seat. Usually, I'd walk out with Katherine and Elijah would be waiting for her on the other side of the doors.